Wednesday, December 10, 2014

The Dream...FINALLY after years of agonizing over it: an ANSWER to the question in that dream

I said that Anita Moorjani answered a very BIG question that I have had for years: that I would save that for another day in another blog...Well, that day is here...

I had a dream.

It was so vivid.

I was an African American woman, running for her life. I had NO doubt in my mind, I was HER.

I remember running around this building trying to hide from a man. It was SO real.
I ran out of the building, hiding ANYWHERE, so this man couldn’t find me.  And he was CLOSE. At one point he was so close I could feel his breath on my skin, he was so close. The feeling I had was despair, and it was terrifying. Then I was running across a bridge for all I was worth:   I felt his hand grasping, digging into my shoulder… and I woke up. 

I can see it in my mind even as I talk about it.

I woke up in a sweat, still gasping for air because I had been running so hard in the dream. And I wondered, was I REALLY her?

I couldn’t quite get my head around it.

I have thought about it year after year, and came up with nothing as the answer.

I wondered, even though I had been told (In the Mormon church) there is no such thing as reincarnation, I wondered. There was NO doubt in my mind. I was HER. So what WAS that??

Then came my trial of faith (trial of faith is right! UG! And  that is here if your curious... But I have never lost faith. Life has taught me over and over when I start to lose hope, something bigger than me always leads me in the direction I need to go and drags me up by my bootstraps, sometimes kicking and screaming because usually, at the time, frankly, I am PISSED OFF. (Or just so sad it is just too hard to convey to anyone and I fall deeper and deeper into (I’ll be honest here) a never ending pity party that no one else but me sees :P )
BUT…It never fails. It always happens. Something bigger than me always intervenes. There is ALWAYS hope.

This time what changed everything- including my outlook was a convention (an “I can do it” convention which I have spoken of before here:

In that conference, Anita Moorjani told of her Near Death Experience (You can read about that above) and because I had an NDE myself I was intrigued, so I bought her C.D.

The things she learned while she had that NDE were mind blowing to me (again, you can read that above)
And just when I thought I had heard it all Anita talked about  how when she was ill, lying in her hospital bed, and had passed away, how she had known her husband was there, and her mother was there but suddenly, she FELT what her husband felt: that aching to be with her: and EXACTLY what her mother felt.  Suddenly she WAS them.  She WAS their feelings. She WAS them. 
And she realized; and I realize; we are divinely, beautifully, incredibly and I would say intrinsically connected. THAT is what I felt when I had that dream.

When I had that near death experience, the feeling I had feeling “held by love” what I attribute to God, I felt connected to everything.

I once read a woman’s book (Embraced By The Light) where she talks about her Near death experience, and how suddenly how she was in a field of beautiful roses of color that would defy description.

One rose caught her attention and she was lost in it. Suddenly she WAS that rose. All the roses in that field were actually SINGING praising the maker of it all (Ok, I know this sounds like a drug induced dream but just stay with me here;p) she could feel everything that rose could because she was that rose.

And here I am, as usual led to this information, just at the right time, when I was ready for it.

When my mind was finally open to it.

That is where it all comes full circle, and I understand. In my limited way, I understand.

I don’t know if that means there is reincarnation or not, (as I had wondered) but I think it’s beautiful.

WE ARE ALL CONNECTED. That is the answer.

When we hear of disasters, when we see someone in pain, that feeling we all get, that wanting to help, that feeling of wanting to do something, in my mind that is a big part of this connectedness.

When we hear stories of great triumph, stories of the beautiful indomitable human spirit: THAT makes our heart SING, get a lump in our throat, chills, and be glad and learn and believe again that the world is a good place.  It is beautiful to me. This connectedness is of great design and a beautiful tribute to the creator of it all. (Whoever that may be, or whatever that may be. J)

If we could all stop focusing on ourselves (Ok, now I feel like a hypocrite because well, let’s face it, EVERYONE does this:p) and If we as the world can someday LEARN to focus on the connectedness of us all instead of our differences, instead of  being too busy trying to force our truth down each other’s throats (Which has started MANY a war) maybe, just maybe, there will be peace. Because in my mind there are two things people want most in life. Validation and Love. Neither one can live without the other. Period.