Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The BAT that came to BREAKFAST~

I'll have to tell you some time bout the bat that showed up and hung off my fireplace. Ah,maybe I'll just tell ya here...I walked into the house after my walk in the morning and went "Whaaaaa?" Whats that black furry blob on my fireplace??? Looked up close and realized it was a bat hanging upside down on my chimney. NO ONE would claim responsibility in the area to take care of it, (I spent HOURS on the phone trying to find someone in the area to take care of it, the whole time with the thing hanging off my fireplace) soooo I had to. I squashed the poor things hiney (All the while with it SCREAMING...how would you like to be woken up in the middle of a nap?:p) SQUEEKKKKKK SQEEEEEEK SQUEEEEEEK!-Talk about an unearthly sound!!!)on the fireplace trying to capture it and get it out of the house in a Costco gingerbread plastic box. All the while I'm screaming "I'm SORRY!" I'm SORRY!! (For squishing its tush:p) I was surprised to see...it was kinda cute, (lil furry thing with a pushed in nose like a lil pug, almost adorable even) in a halloween freak u out movie kind of way. I let it loose on my deck , and instead of just flying off my deck, it used its lil bat arms to do this lil bat wiggle, going back and forth with what looked like to me like a half GONE human body out of a horror movie wiggling back and forth with blood squirting everywhere (Minus the squirting blood, ha ha!!) went over the first step on my deck and landed, feet hanging over the edge in a perfect bat hanging pose, just hanging there, poor thing, looking confused, like it should have been in a cave but was doing the next best thing. I RAN to get a camera to document that YES this actually happened and took some pictures. Poor thing was looking at me cause the camera kept flashing and I could hear the poor thing in my head screaching "LADY...WHAT THE "BLEEP" are you DOING? I'm trying to sleep here!!" I finally decided to leave the poor critter alone so it could get some rest, and came back later and it was gone. Later I realized that the pics I got were mostly blurry, but MAN the thing had a wingspan. (I got some pics of him doing the body shuffle) I'll have to post a pic or two later...

Monday, March 21, 2011

How Do You Know What To Do When You Stop Breathing When Your The One Whose Stopped?



A MySpace blogger, Stever, who just wrote about crushes really got me thinking about when I was a kid...If your on MySpace check her out, (She's in my friends) she not only writes beautifully (If your on MySpacecheck out her blogs) but has really, REALLY cool music.)

Concrete Angel  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtNYA4pAGjI.  is a amazing song and is really a parallel to what my life was like as a kid. I got all the old hand me downs my sisters didn't want.

(I had 2 older sisters)

I found years later an old journal I had. Among the ponies and pictures and school girl crushes (Man, I've been thinking about those today thanks to Stevers blog.) I drew there is an entry I'll never forget. I was told in primary at church by a lady to always write happy things in our journals because later on in life, someone would read it. (Actually, my sister just told me that my mom told us to write happy things in our journals,(Maybe SHE was the church lady!:p) all the while keeping a journal on us kids. My dad actually keeping a file on us, to zing us with something from it on a birthday card or judgemental letter(His favorite form of communication)

I now realize that was bad advice.

I would rather see the hurts. The heartfelt, from my heart confessions of a girl who was being beaten almost weekly by her so called "father".

(Its because of him for SO many years I have had trouble with God because if he's a man and my "father " how can I trust him??)

The one entry that I remember better than any is the one that said "I wish I were never born. because I'd never have to go through this if I never existed. I would have rather never have been alive. That is the one truly honest thing I wrote in that journal. I was in so much pain, yet all I see is pictures I drew of horses, drawings of rainbows and a picture that I painted because I was told thats what I had to do.

It makes me angry.

I don't know if you know this song, ("Concrete Angel" but I was almost this kid (Only I was 16, and my father strangled me for eating after 10- I had a near death experience) At the site I said that, but people of course won't realize of course how close I came to being her because I won't write the whole thing out there, its so weird.(At one point my father actually choked me for eating after 10 (It was a rule of his.) and I actually stopped breathing. The one thing I do remember is after fighting as hard as I could and I went limp there was an indescribable peace that took over, like God took me in his hands. I could hear my mother yelling "YOU KILLED HER" (My sister said my face was blue) and I couldn't move or do anything. Suddenly I gasped and I was back.

My husband believes that God brought me back so I could learn the lesson my dad never did, that you can't control other people)
Its easy to say forgive and forget,but seems like the people who try to force their "Forgive and forgets" down your throat don't have a clue because they NEVER WENT THROUGH IT. WHY is it that people try to push you into forgetting??You CAN'T. Its stuck in your brain, and if you pretend it never happened you could become the monster yourself . If you went through abuse for 16 years, it would be kind of hard to forget if you lived with it for that long. Forgiveness comes, but forgetting? Never.

I am so grateful to God (Yes, that guy, or that godess or nature...whatever God is...it took me a lot of years and I still struggle to trust) for my life and the life I have now. I am truly blessed.
Wishing all of you a happy and healthy life...
Heidi

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Why do spiders like me? (And how to get rid of the fear of spiders)



These will be the WEIRDEST stories about spiders you'll ever hear.

Here are my spider stories. I have actually put a post on Yahoo answers asking WHY spiders like me. You could probobly still find it there.:p The only answers I got were things like "its all in your head" "Maybe they like the way I smell... YEAH...sniff sniff...BITE BITE!~
Or that spiders must be my totem...groooooooooooooovy man.

My WHOLE life I have had problems. I feel like little miss Muffet. Yesterday I had another spider incident. I got Gelato, and was eating it when my daughter said she'd like some. I took a big spoonful of it and put it on my daughters plate with pizza then got into the car and started to go home when I hear a scream. The spoonful I was about to eat that I put on her plate had a big spider on it. Here's the rest of my story. Be ready to be grossed out.

Well, I was at this great bakery in Washington today. (If your from Washington I bet you've heard of it. People drive for MILES to get there, the food is SO good! Its around the ski area...You know....) It takes us a LONG time to get there, but the scenery is beautiful, and the food is amazing.

A lady I talked to from California had heard of and been there, visiting. And someone I talked to from Alaska had the Cinnamin rolls there. Diiiiiiiivine!

There are times word of mouth does wonders.

Its just this little place all the skiiers go to EARLY in the morning to get their muffins They (The muffins) along with the skiiers are all GONE early too!

I finally got my husband to go there for the first time this year for his birthday. We got him a HUGE cinnamon roll and I stuck a candle in it and by the time we were through singing happy birthday, the whole place was singing happy birthday to him.

Today was a bit different though.
I was standing in line to get something with all these people, when I saw a spider dangling right near the case with all of the confections, and I thought "CRAP! ITS GOING TO GET INTO THE FOOD!" So I took off my shoe, and smashed it. Well a lilttle ol lady had been observing that spider, closely, and I had thought I would save the little old lady on top of that, I mean... you never know what a spider will do.

(Here's where I tell U my spider stories- Here comes some seriously strange stuff, I kid you not. I'll get back to the other story in a second.)

When I was a teenager I was trying to impress a boy I liked a lot. My friend and I were sitting on the grass and we were just talking when my friend said "Heidi, there is a SPIDER on your shoulder!" I started laughing and said "Yeah, RIGHT! " Then the guy said, "NO REALLY- THERE IS A SPIDER ON YOUR SHOULDER!" I decided to pacify them and look, and sure enough, there was some weird looking spider on my shoulder. I SCREAMED, and the thing, ultimately thinking my mouth was a cave or something, ran up my shoulder, up my neck and into my MOUTH! AND I SWALLOWED the thing! AND got sick right in front of the guy.

You think that would be enough to keep spiders away from me.
Nooooo.

In college, I was sitting in a chair when I noticed right above me there was a spider, so I got up and moved to the opposite side of the room and sat down.

I swear to you, the spider moved to where it was directly over my head, AGAIN.
My friends thought it was hilarious.

Years later, I was a vender in a store and walked in, put my binder in a cart and opened up the binder to a spider sitting in the middle of it, so I flicked it off with a pen and whatever thread was connected to the spider kept it from going all the way to the floor, Though at first it dangled in the cart, and finally hit the floor. I walked off pushing the cart and I heard laughing (One of the clerks had been watching the spider with me) I looked behind me and saw every time I moved the cart, the spider followed. The thread was still attached. So the clerk tried to use her shoe to un attach the thread from the cart. She walked off, and ended up with the spiders web attached to her shoe and the spider went flying after her...Thats some STICKY web! The thing flipped over on its back and I could hear it going EEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEE in my head:p HAHA, So, the clerk got a paper and somehow got the guy outside alive. The little guy was fighting so hard to survive.

Then one day I was writing about all this spider stuff online and a BIG A. spider ran across my foot, I had looked down just in time to see it, TOTALLY freaked me out.

Another time I was singing with a guy band wise (I'm a singer) practicing downstairs in our house and whadaya know... a huge spider ran out and I have recorded footage of me screaming and him goin "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? DID YOU SEE THE SIZE OF THAT THING???" (Greg if you see this...REMEMBER??)

I'm not even exempt from spiders at church.

I visited a friend from church and brought her food for one reason or another. I went into her house and as I was leaving walked to a certain area where I ended up face to face with a spider. I just missed it. (I ducked. I have had that happen time after time during my life and it is just automatic to look when I go under anything or around.)

The next week at church the same lady came in a little late and sat right in front of me. To my horror I realized a spider had hitched a ride to church on the back of her shirt and I did the only thing that was instinctive. I took my shoe off and squished it. On her back. And then I thought, what the???? did I do that for. SHe turned around like WTH???

She did thank me though. HEH.

I have had MANY other near misses where I have been dive bombed by spiders, but I won't go into those anymore. I've said enough.

I have deducted and it comes down to this.

Spiders LIKE ME.

But as you've deducted by now, I don't like them back. I mean, if they are in a garden I am happy to have them, (though I have to freaking HERD them away from me. I am not kidding.)  When hanging out in my back yard, anywhere but in my house, I leave them alone. But if they are in my house, watch out!

Ok, now we go back to the little old lady who was staring at the spider in front of me. I did what was instinctive. I squished it. With My SHOE.


Next thing I know I'm getting bawled out by the little old lady, who sais "I am horrible and rude" and "How could I just kill a creature like that?" thing after thing came out of her mouth. If she were a fly, or me...lol, she might be singing a different tune. "Well, I said to her...I'll just take care of that for you" and took a tissue out of my purse and wiped away the evidence. She just stared at me like I had committed murder and I just walked away smiling.

So much for that.

Even when when we were looking at the house we live in now the realtor let us in to look around.

I was in the kitchen with the realtor when a spider came walking out right next to my head. Figures:P

When we moved in we fumigated the place.:P
So what the ??? Why have I had so many weird things happen to me when it comes to spiders? And I DON'T think its coincidence. Its to often, and too weird. I mean, I almost swallowed a live spider AGAIN: (the gelato)

And on top of that, weird things have been happening from when I was 17 to age 40... I don't think its just in my head, I don't care what anyone sais, even though it is pretty funny:b (AFTER it happens:b)
Like I said, someone said maybe its my perfume or something...I have changed perfumes over the years (Just cause of taste and changes in what I liked) Could it be something in my body make up? Maybe the way I smell?That makes me laugh, but who knows...Just wish someone could give me a good answer. 

To repeat whats up above-someone on Yahoo Answers just said that the spider may be trying to tell me something... That they may be my Totem... Hahahaha..http://www.spiritanimal.info/spider-spirit-animal/

Well years have passed now and at one point when I was at a counselors dealing with childhood issues. We were talking when a spider, (as usual) started walking across the room from her to me. So I told her these stories. As I told her the stories above she got a piece of paper helped the little guy up and then showed me this technique to get rid of my fear of spiders. I have shown many a friend this. Its an old technique called "tapping." Its and old chinese pressure point technique. (I showed this to a friend that was at my house picking blackberries who I heard screaming outside when a big spider jumped out at her. It worked for her too.) I found a video of Brad Yates (one of my favorite tappers who I actually went to see when he was in Seattle- and this video is great...make sure you watch to the end...its hilarious! I hope it helps you too! It helped me get over my fear of spiders. And any time I feel fear I do this, whether its for fear or anything else. You can even make up your own words to help you overcome other fears.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWH9wLyetcw