Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Thoughts On GMO'S (Over years of Studying Up On GMO'S And Being Sick, And Trying To Get Well) This Is What I Found

My husband and I were talking about GMO'S some years back (before the GMO debacle and organics were a popular thing and we were searching the internet for good sources...Over years of study because of the serious health issues (I dealt with asthma, eczema, sleep apnea, and reynouds, where your hands or toes turns blue...I know one online friend who had it in her breasts and it would happen when her baby was feeding! (its related to rheumatoid arthritis...a circulation issue where you can lose fingers and toes.)  I have I learned a LOT. (the years I'm talking about includes years of calling different companies to check on products to see if they were safe for me to eat or drink.

Here is  some good information that we found over years of study. From me to you.

You can make your own deductions.

Thoughts on GMO’s

Playing God

(My husbands thoughts here) First, my opinion, western science has a habit of “Knowing everything”, until something new is discovered, or something goes seriously wrong.. Then it’s fixing, adjusting and then we’re back to “knowing everything” again... It’s fine, when you're testing on Mice, it’s an easy fix..

Destroy the test subjects, study them, and then adjust.. But in this case, when it comes to the current GMO foods, I feel that we (people) are the test subjects.

Some blindly trust the scientists, and the government, and assume that they would never let anything happen to them.. Or maybe it’s that, if things go wrong, they feel that the scientists are smart, they will figure out how to fix it and make it better..

So I guess the first question is, how much testing went in to verifying that the GMO’s are safe for humans?

(Back to me)

Here's the best information we could find out there on the subject...get ready to feel like your back in college. ;p

GMO's in general..

How GMO's are made:

Studies in safety:

Nature Reacting to GMO’s


Companies and Economics involved in GMO's

Corruption of companies, Intimidating and Blacklisting of Scientists, individuals, and Organizations...

Products Monsanto has made in the past: a few include: Round Up, Saccharine,Agent Orange, Aspartame, Bovine Growth Hormone,Atom Bomb,PcBs...The article explains each product and the problems with them in the past in depth.

The Amazing Revolving Door: How Monsanto's former employees have infiltrated the FDA

 Jeffrey Smith:who made a doccumentary called Genetic Roulette and talks about 10 reasons to avoid GMO's (Its to the right of the screen if your curious)

(March against Montsanto- and news video: Bernie Sanders speaks in this one among others) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aNUBNFsM6Y

Goverment Infiltration by the Biochemical companies

Lawsuits against small farms and Organic growers

What monstanto says:
what actually happens:

Farmers strike back:
(Protection of farmers from Accidental contamination from someone else’s field) http://thinkprogress.org/health/2013/06/11/2133121/appeals-court-monsanto-not-sue-farmers/?mobile=nc

Government Protection of the Biochemical Companies

Oh, and by the way. I eat organic now. These days I don't worry about an inhaler because I don't have asthma attacks. I don't have sleep apnea happen (which was terrifying...you wake up at night gasping for air) and my hand hasn't turned blue in YEARS. Coincidence?

I think not.

You are what you eat.

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Trans phobia, The Treatment Of Gays, And The Passive Aggressiveness Of Mormonism

Its 2 am, but I had to get this off my chest. Good thing its the weekend.

This morning on Facebook I saw a post from a returned missionary (mormon) talking about calling a trans lady by their old name and how they made fun of him after he did. (to be fair, he didn't know at the time till he did it that they were trans...but the way he spoke afterwords made me wonder how many mormon guys treat people like this.) But to see someone attack someone in such a childish display on Facebook when that person wasn't even there was horrifying.

I knew this guy from way back before his mission and at times on his Facebook.

He would go on VERY unkind rants about others, usually with his friends virtually slapping him on the back with all kinds of immature  "bro code" kind of talk.
One time I saw a picture of him with a friend who had taken a picture of an older person on a park bench.

They were silently making fun of that person behind their back while that person slept on the bench.

It really disgusted me.

The insensitivity of his comments (not to mention his friends Facebook comments towards this person that they didn't even know made me sad that they could through their comments turn a person into a "thing" instead of a living, breathing person with feelings and for Gods sake WORTH... into their own personal punching bag.
THIS time he was offended by a person who is trans getting angry at him because he called her the wrong name.

The GALL of this kid and the PRIDE!

They (he and his mormon friends) proceeded to call her all kinds of names on his post...
He/she and disgusting enough, among other slurs, IT. Thank God that person wasn't there to hear it. But I know there were people who are gay who read what he wrote, and whether he knew or not, he just kept spewing HATE.

( On a side note...for Gods sake, this person was taught a persons worth on his mission...)

And his friends were actually talking about how "if they were there, they would have punched this person that was trans!

My daughter and I (and others) spoke up talking about what we know of people who are trans and how they can be so horribly treated, not to mention how over 40 gay or trans people have committed suicide in Utah because the mormons had an announcement which basically was about shunning gays and making kids pick at 18 between denouncing their gay parents and going on a mission, and not letting children who have a gay parent be baptized.... having to denounce them, out LOUD (making the kid choose between their parents and the freaking church??? How cruel!!!) 

The FIRST thing he did after I commented was attack me personally on a public forum saying "You left the church because you "can't" have the priesthood. He also attacked my daughter as she has left too.

Sorry man, you don't own the right to the priesthood, God does, so I don't believe that God plays favorites as that church teaches. There are places that are starting to recognize that God doesn't play favorites. Women give plenty of blessings to help others...and believe me, you don't need the mormon church to do it. I myself have given blessings, and I don't believe that God hears me any less than you. To think he does is pure arrogance.

I said Ok, since you attacked me about this on a public forum and obviously have NO clue as to why I actually left, I'm going to TELL you why. The Priesthood was only part of it. Learning about Joseph Smith being a pedifile and that he told families that if they didn't give their 14 year old daughters to him as his wives  meant that "They wouldn't make it to the celestial kingdom," the ban on the priesthood with blacks ( what is up with the "God never changes, the church never changes" and they make God their excuse to be bigots? Same lame excuse used for centuries...and in the crusades to kill people!) 

The churches announcement about gays was the last straw. People have committed suicide over what they did,  I won't be a part of a church that throws people away and treats them like  they are worthless because someone won't "conform." 

That is when I resigned. 

My personal definition of organized religion is that it is mans excuse to play God. 

I will NEVER be a part of any church, ever again.

I don't need a  church to be spiritual and to tell me the nature of God. I have always known it. I think we all have it intrinsically whether we know it or not. My near death experience at 16 told me that, it just took me a little while to get there.

I think we are all connected. It's in the way we feel when there is a tragedy, and the way we feel for  people who have been hurt .

When people triumph its the same thing. How we can soar! Oh the indomitable human spirit!

Or when someone is attacking another person. We want to do something. Whether we do or not (and the reasons behind it) is up to us.


This pitting us against each other through bigotry despite what can be our good nature and love for each other.

But this us against them mentality.

That is NOT God.

That is learned.

Fighting for another's dignity. For decency and tolerance and LOVE.

That is where I personally see God.

This kid and his friends tried to call my daughter and I "ignorant" and "psychotic" and tell us we had "small brains" specifically telling us, by name, to "shut Up" stop acting so "butt hurt" and to "sew on some balls." 

The best one (not!) was the excuse that "until  they legally change their name, I refuse to call them any name but the one they were assigned at birth!" 

That is when that ignorant kid told his friend who said that "THANK YOU!" as if somehow not respecting someone who is trans is ok and that they don't have the right for people to respect their wishes and simply call them the name they have fought so hard for. My daughter brilliantly brought up the fact the if someones name was Ed, and you call them John, you simply say sorry but he still argued with her and said it was his right to his opinion and how DARE she try to change his mind.

People have a right to their own opinions, but this is just flat out bigotry.

I told him as a returned missionary I had hoped that he would learn some humanity, but that with the immature comments of he and his friends I was afraid he was the same.

Then this at least 21 year old "kid" and his friends kept saying that "they were only "joking" with their comments. Textbook mansplaining. It is infuriating!!!

And he  said and "I have all of these things to deal with and a college loan to pay off" 

Poor white privileged kid, whose mother has given him so much. Pretty much everything. 

Oh the entitlement of boys pretending to be men! He has no CLUE.

I emailed his mother a link to the bigotry he was spewing at my daughters request, but she said nothing. I've always looked at her as a kind woman, but she said nothing to me about it. Not one word. Which makes me sad if she secretly condones it, I really,REALLY hope not. She always was so kind in the past. 

But sadly, I do remember being at her house and hearing her son say, when he didn't like something "that's so gay" and his friends would be laughing when he said it...and she didn't say a word to stop it.

I'd rather think that somehow she just didn't see my message. I hope that's it.

Well, My daughter and I ended up tag teaming... he tried to tell her, in many, MANY words that he was smarter than her and his friends kept telling anyone who spoke up for people who are trans to shut up,

My daughter who always knew all the mormon seminary scriptures by heart, along with taking 3 A.P COLLEGE courses on psychology and other courses in high school, went to BYU where she learned at least 4 MORE years doctrine and has a degree in Nueropsychology,.. 

She totally schooled his ASS. (so proud of her for standing up to a bully like this!)

He deleted his thread. (FINALLY. Ether his mother saw it and said something, or he finally came to his senses....but the way he was talking... the venom and his bigotry... sadly...I doubt that's gone.)

People like this (my daughter and the others who spoke up) will always make me believe the world can be put right again.

Even with that idiot Trump in power.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Unbirthday’d, My "Almost" Suicide, And The Incredible Netflix “13 Reasons Why”

As my 47th birthday approaches, (it is now over) I am remembering an OLD birthday. (Also a conversation with some women on Facebook about abuse and what we went through and survived.)
MY life is SO different now.
My 16th birthday my parents "forgot" my birthday. (I found out later it was on purpose)
The house we lived in was at the bottom of "snob hill" in that town. The rich people lived further up the hill, along with the girls from my school who were so cruel.

I waited ALL day for somone to recognize that it was my birthday. My 16th birthday,

Every girls 16 birthday is a milestone, and I thought it was going to be a special day.

I waited all day. NOTHING. Nobody cared. At the end of the day I was sitting on my bed, knees pulled up to my chin rocking back and forth, like I did every time my father beat me up. I wished over and over again that I had never been born so I wouldn't have had to go through this.

My eye caught the vanity table to my left, and the glass that was broken on top of that table....years later, this is the song I wrote... https://youtu.be/iJAB_z23sNQ
SItting on my bed alone
Holding shards of glass from my old dresser
If I slit my wrists, they'll find me here
My 16th birthdays come and gone
forgotten by the ones who are supposed to love
If I do it maybe they will finally care
I'm a shell anyway
A broken spirit inside here
No other way to make it clear
If I close my eyes and do it
Slip away
If I do it
I can fly away
If I don't
All that’s left is more of the beatings that I get for being me
What is so bad about being me?
I'm afraid
Every time I speak I get beaten down
This time I can't get up
I'm afraid this time I've finally given up
SItting on my bed alone
Thinking thoughts no child should ever deal with
Come on now be brave
Just close your eyes
The feel of glass against my skin
All that was left was simply digging in
Blood would trickle down
Death stared me in the face
and it was more than once
Should I let my father kill me
Or should I do it myself
I'm worthless anyway
then I heard a voice say
You are enough
Well you have to live
Yes it’s bad
And I know it’s tough
You've been beaten to the ground so many times
You've yet to live
Some day life will change
If you die
Life's not rearranged
Life will be as beautiful as you have dreamed. If you end it now you'll never live your dreams.
Have hope
Don't you dare give in
What is brave is NOT giving up
You won't live until you know you've found real love
And the glass fell from my hand
It was enough
SItting on my bed tonight
Next to someone who does understand me
I never thought life could be this way
Home was never a good thing
Until I found myself outside the other one
I can be myself
My life was meaningless
Now it is meaningful
So much that I have to give
I have so much to live for
I was fearful
Now I'm fearless
There’s so much in life that is worth living for
If your life is hell on earth
Knew there were others before you
If I could talk to you
I'd be that voice and say
You are enough
Well you have to live
Yes its bad
And I know its tough
You've been beaten to the ground so many times
You;ve yet to live
Some day life will change
If you die
Life's not rearranged
Life will be as beautiful as you have dreamed
If you end it now you'll never live your dreams.
Don't end it now.
I found out years later they "Unbirthday’d (is that a word?) all of we girls, just my sisters all made up for it by decorating each other's lockers at school when that happened.
They never did it for me though.
My life was so bad at that house. Between my sisters and their sadistic and almost gleeful treatment of me, I was constantly knocked down emotionally AND physically without pause. My oldest sister was the one to physically beat me up most of the time, and my younger sister, with her biting wit would mock me all the time. Their nickname for me was 'doughhead" as in "no brain."

They treated me like I was stupid and when I talked I was ignored, because to my entire family, nothing I said was worth listening to.
I would speak up in this tentative little voice.  (and no one listened.)
Between my father’s beatings and my sisters, I felt unheard, unloved and suicidal.
There is too much of that in the world.
My high school wasn’t that different.
I was reminded the other day of how we can all be to each other.  "13 Reasons Why" (A T.V show on Netflix) pulls no punches...what a powerful show.  It is a VERY honest look at high school and suicide. If you have kids I recommend you see it... though it is graphic and brutally, BRUTALLY honest.
It shows what can happen in a high school when teenagers are incredibly barbaric.
It reminds me so much of when I was growing up and in school.
In Jr high I was beaten up at home AND at school...some people even daring others to beat me up, just for fun. ( I found out from one girl later.)
In high school a guy that I barely knew met up with me one time with a bunch of friends and I kissed him.The next thing I knew there were rumors flying around about me having sex with him even though I hadn't. I mean I met up with him ONCE hanging around with he and his friends in a car driving around town. And I kissed him sayng goodbye outside that car. How does a person turnt hat into sex???
My own sisters who had been sleeping around for years and were well known for it around town wouldn't believe me (it was almost as if they didn't care, they just wanted to believe it) when I told them I didn't do anything. ( I almost believe that the reason they did it was to make themselves feel better about what they were doing, that their little “virgin” of a sister supposedly  wasn’t so lily white anymore somehow got them off...it is unbelievably sad what we women do to each other!) I even got questions from friends about it...even friends who went to the junior high school.
One day I was walking down the sidewalk going home when I saw the guy who started the rumor in his truck....I couldn't help it... I automatically flipped him off. I think he got that I knew about the rumor after that.
Unbelievable the cold bloodedness, and lies... the almost ooooooo theres a rumor mentality...who CARES who it hurts.
This is quite serendipitous that “13 reasons Why” popped up on my radar yesterday- and the commentary on the making of the show afterwards (we binge watched the whole thing yesterday, it was that good.) It reminded me of the song I wrote- one of the actors talks about the fact that if a person ends their life, that they will never know how good their life can be is absolutely the point of the song I wrote in the first place.
Life changes. My life as a teenager, not to mention my entire life as a child  was the most painful thing I ever went through, BUT life now, insane as it is, is crazy beautiful! It is messy, and painful,  and WORTH LIVING.  
The things I had to endure as a teenager and the hands of my parent’s and sister’s not to mention, Jr high and my high school are just unbelievably horrible. There are no words to describe what a teenager can go through. Just being that age with its awkwardness is hard enough.

It is literally a miracle that I survived. But I am here! I made it. And being in the world, finally feeling love and peace and serenity, fleeting as it may feel sometimes is what it is like to be a human.
When I first went out into the real world,it was scary. I was afraid,and lonely.  
When people actually listened to what I had to say I would freeze and go blank, because I was not used to it. I was TERRIFIED.
It took YEARS to get past it, but that doesn’t happen now.
I am not that 16 year old anymore.
I have come a LONG way baby!
I am YEARS away from 16.
And life is GOOD.
I am still trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing, and still working on my book, it’s just a LOT to unravel.
But...I am in a much safer place then I was back then.
Glad I stuck around.
(The song below is a version of if I made some years back when I was getting the copyright for it and 30 other songs that I sent to Washington.  My husband said he would record it and do them once through as it was a busy day) I never thought anyone would hear it. It has mistakes, but it is the only copy I have right now, and I would rather you hear it though I’m sure I’ll record it again. Apologies for the end ...it makes me cringe… lol...my fingers hurt after 30 songs!) But I think you’ll get the feeling and what I meant to say. (That is the only reason I'm letting you guys hear this if there is anyone reading this who is hurting.)PLEASE don't give up. If there is anyone here who is desperate,please NEVER give up hope. Please PLEASE don't. I have been where you are. I understand. I KNOW it gets better. Whatever situation you are in right now, you can survive it, If I can survive it, I KNOW you can. If you feel like nobody cares, I do. I may not know you, but I know what it feels like to think nothing will get better. It WILL. This will not last forever. You can escape it, You yourself. Be strong. I thought I was weak, but I was being prepared for better things. You are too.

As Andy Andy Dufresne  said in “The Shawshank Redemption. “  Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

Hold on.