(I am SLOWLY getting back into writing, (since moving...Thanks for your patience dear reader:) And I do mean dear...I really appriciate your being here with me as I talk about my life.
Feels a little bit self indulgent, yet I know this is what I need to do. If anyone who has been through abuse or a near death experience can find help or solace in any of this, it is worth writing this to me.
My favorite hangout when I was a child was on their land. There was a stream running through the front of their land with cattails and tadpoles EVERYWHERE…tadpoles were fun to catch.
Life is kinda like that. Everything is clearer when you can see, and you’re not in the dark anymore.
Her crabbiness even transferred to the dinner table.
She wouldn't even let me have honey from their honey jar until I ate all the carrots on my plate. I pouted for a long time until Mr Brock persuaded me to eat them drizzling honey on the carrots.
While I was with them, she took me to Erie Zoo. What a treat! My parents didn't bring me there many times during my childhood.
There some random newspaper man saw this little wild thing (me) climbing around on the zoos version of what I thought was a water fountain, a cement full color baby elephant with water coming out of the trunk.
This newspaper man asked me to climb up the elephant the rest of the way and get a drink from its trunk so he could take a picture.
"Hallelujah! I GET TO CLIMB BACK UP!!" I thought, deliriously dizzy with happiness.
Mrs. Brock was mortified…she had just been trying to get the wild child (Me) to “ GET DOWN FROM THAT THING!!”
But Mr newspaper man told me to climb up it, I got my picture taken, and later on I even got my picture in the newspaper with the inscription "Heidi whets her whistle"
I was delighted. My mom cut it out and gave it to me. One kindness anyway.
I still have that picture to this day.
Later that day Mrs. Brock took me to Erie "Lake".
The instructor at the pool decided to teach me a quick lesson. I didn’t float at first, so he decided to try to teach me to not be scared by holding me under the water. I was even more terrified... I screamed underwater! My lungs were on fire and it felt like forever till he pulled me back up out of the water.
Presque Isle State Park: (what we called Erie “Lake” (Peninsula) was beautiful. I loved sticking my nose out the window smelling the fresh air, looking at the sand and how it shimmered in the sun.
I adored going there. Years later, I have memories of throwing seaweed at my sisters there.
It was a cheap way of going swimming, but it was a dangerous place. There were currents that could pull you out too far before you knew it. They would have current warnings that you could dial in to the radio to find out about.
In my five- year- old mind, everything there was pretty. The sand was pretty, the beach was pretty, the water was pretty.
But what I was unaware of is that I was being dragged out farther into the water. When I finally realized what was happening I tried to cry out, but when I did, my mouth filled with sand and dirty water that I kicked up from my struggle. I gagged on it as I tried desperately to pull myself closer to shore. I remember the harder I tried, the more the current weighed down my arms and dragged me out.