Sunday, March 23, 2014

Told a Friend I wouuld post songs I've sung...I used to be in a band- We were one of three bands picked to be in Seattles Battle Of The Bands- Would have gotten a contract if I would have done it but I don't gig on Sunday...(Wrote the lyrics and melody to songs) but thought I would throw up some songs for my friend quick (And all of you to hear :) I am known as the chameleon in many circles because I can change up my voice depending on the song...And this is video so...You will see...ME! :)

Over the last months, I haven't really felt like singing because of the ordeal with my church ( that some of you have read about...)  I am finally back to my singin self...and promised a friend that I would throw up some songs so he could hear here they are...

A song that seems to embody what I feel about what has happened in the last months is "Let It Go" so after months and months of just not feeling like singing I heard this one when I sent to see Frozen...Such a beautiful message. "Let It Go" and be yourself!

This was a powerful, powerful song I sang some months before I sang "Let It Go" called "Overcome" It popped into my head one day as I was thinking about everything I have endured as I was going through this huge trial...

This is me as a dog...REALLY. ( I dressed up and stick my hair in two high up pigtails) Hallelujah...actually in my case its Hoooooooowlelujah!  (You KNOW I had to stick something silly in here...:p)

One of my favorite religious best friend from high school introduced me to it. Its called Blessings (I sang it once for Jennie and another time time Naomi a good friend from church...

Another religious song that I absolutely ADORE. I stumbled upon this band actually PERFORMING this song at a concert at Marymore parkin Washington!

Blue Bayou (One of my huz's favorite)

Santa Baby (Betty Boop/ madonna version :)

One of my favorite funky songs to sing...but apparently myhand is stuck to my ear...HAHA!!

THIS IS MY ROCK VOICE!! I am particularry proud of this song because most women who try to sing it kinda, honestly...SUCK ... I have a special gravelly/ funky voice I use for Crazy train,..when I performed it, people went nuts :P Don't be afraid...CLICK!

Amy Lee is one one of my FAVORITE rockers...Three of my favorite Evanescence songs...

What cracks me up is my hair and how short to how long it now...glad I grew it out..whew...most recent songs are at the top and oldest at the bottom...but I'm pretty proud of them...:)

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Why I Will Stand With My Sisters Of Ordain Women April 5th

I live in Washington.

Washington is a LOOOOOOOOOOONG way away from Utah and Idaho, (14 hours away driving) you know, all those Mormon-y states… (Ok I’ll say it…The Church Of Jesus Christ Of Latter Day Saints, of which I’m a part and am still completely active, despite everything that has happened to me over the years, and especially now. You can read about that here  )

In all honesty, I am quite glad to live out of an area that is so mainstream Mormon.
You see, I grew up in Idaho, Idaho, with its extreme EXTREME weather. Well, that’s not the only thing that’s extreme.

I remember walking to school in -30 weather with snow. I also remember it being almost 100% Mormon where I grew up. There was always talk of loving your neighbor but the truth was, there I learned about and saw an incredible amount of intolerance. (I’m sure not everyone is that way there but that was my sad experience) My experience growing up there was that I was living in a bubble- But I didn't know it.

My experience at school was that the rich little Mormon girls were the popular snobs, (The ones who lived on snob hill and would go party behind their parents backs) I was treated quite badly, even though I was a serious goody goody who didn't go to any of their beer parties. It’s a good thing I found a best friend there, and we stuck together and kept each other straight. I was also friends with people all across the board there. 
One guy who ended up gay was fun to hang out with at school dances. I have always wondered what happened to him, the people there were cruel to him on more occasions than I can count on both hands and I wish I could tell him how much I respected him.

In this small minded town my parents taught me that Gays were bad, that women should know their place, and worst of all, my mother said that I should never interracially marry (She grew up in Hitler’s Germany where she and her family escaped, but that’s a whole different story.)

I told her she could never tell me who I was going to marry and whoever I loved would be any color. I never cared about color, I cared about LOVE.

From the beginning, NONE of what my mother and father told me about those things sat right with me.
When I moved out of Idaho, I started to see how the real world is.

I have always felt VERY close to God, (though when I was young I had issues because if God was my FATHER and my father was so abusive  what kind of example did that show me as a child? It was confusing. It took me YEARS to get over that, because I had been taught God was more damning than loving) I believe God has expanded my horizons. When in my life I was begging and pleading to understand he has shown me everything I needed to know and opened up my understanding. Sometimes through scripture, sometimes through reading church history, and through prayer.   I know he has always led me in the direction he wants me to go.

Last year, I felt all alone.

I had a profile on Ordain Women and I was told that if I didn't take it down immediately that I would have my temple recommend taken away by my Bishop .

I told him I would be lying about how I felt if I took it down so I would not. My recommend was taken away.

This is NOT the norm. I am one of only two women IN THE ENTIRE CHURCH that has had this happen. I know this because there was an anonymous poll done to see how many had lost their recommends and only two had lost them.  (Me being one of them. )

I wrote to the leaders of the church saying this, and was told basically that they were leaving the decision about my recommend to the Bishop and the Stake President. No one was even going to review it. The letter I wrote spoke of everything I had gone through, and it felt like the response was generic and uncaring, and quite frankly a slap in the face. I asked some questions, especially asking about protocol and why only two of us in the entire church had this happen, and that I had hoped none of my other sisters would go through what I did so that is why I was writing  (As so many other bishops were not responding the way my Bishop did) and the response was literally “Be happy and glad you are a part of Gods church” I did not get ONE answer to any of my questions. Which felt like what they  were saying was “That’s nice, but we don’t care”, with that said, I guess at least they responded.Despite that, I am still going to church every Sunday, I am still active. I know where God wants me.

During this whole ordeal Ordain Women took me under their wing. (Which also has men in the group, by the way!  :)) From the beginning, they were there, no matter what questions I asked, or how many times I talked to them, mess that I was at the time. Not telling me what I should do, but treating me with LOVE. This is the only place where I have ever felt completely safe to talk about my feelings in their entirety and I didn’t feel I would be judged.

I have seen, opposite that, Women who have been ostracized from their wards.
 I have seen these women called names, told they are the “Spawn of Satan” (Of which I guess I am a part now apparently; p) Told they are going to hell and much, much worse. And yet, not ONE of them has responded back in kind.

I think it may be because in her wisdom, Kate Kelly (The founder of Ordain Women) has had training meetings and online helps where all of we women from Ordain Women can go to learn how to react to people who are rude, mean, or calling us names. (She is also a human rights Lawyer) I am just glad that I have them to talk to.

The Church just responded recently to our request for tickets to the Priesthood session April 5th, “Jessica Moody said any demonstration should be kept to the free-speech zones outside Temple Square. "If you feel you must come and demonstrate, we ask that you do so in free speech zones adjacent to Temple Square, which have long been established for those wishing to voice differing viewpoints."

Kate Kelly, the Founder of Ordain Women disapproved. "The free-speech zone is an inappropriate place for us to be because we're not demonstrating against the Church — we're active participants," Kelly said. "We see ourselves as faithful, active members of the Church and far from fighting against the Church, we are the Church." They also said there has been dialogue. There has NOT. I know this because the leaders of Ordain women (who I know personally)  have talked to (As in- in person) to the church spokesperson about talking to church leaders and she said that she would get back to them and never did, despite numerous emails. They were just ignored.


Since that "P.R.  statement the Ordain Woman Facebook site has shot up to over 2200 on their Facebook page.

I was invited to join with them at one of the loneliest times in my life to a place where I can talk to people who love, understand and see where I am coming from. Unlike so many sites where I have seen people flinging mud at each other, this site has had NO arguments and name throwing, just because it is a peaceful place. It is a place of comfort with smart, spiritual, prayerful, intellectual women close to their God who have dug deeper into the church and its history than any women I have ever known before.  I am proud to call them my friends. This is the most loving atmosphere I have ever seen online. (My husband understands but still…though he is a good man, sometimes you just need a woman to talk to)  

Over $9000 has poured into the donation fund to send women to Utah to stand with us April 5th after that  P.R letter, one man even stated that he is donating BECAUSE of that P.R letter from Jessica Moody. (Who is NOT the Prophet by the way. My understanding is that in the past when the 12 and General Authorities have not agreed completely, they send out a P.R. letter and don’t sign it.)  When African American men were denied the Priesthood there was a letter too. And they said that it was doctrine (set in stone) that they would never have the Priesthood. That is what they told us in this last P.R letter, thta it was doctrine that women didn't have the Priesthood.

It changed for African American men.

I believe one day it will change for women.

After that P.R announcement, I prayed about going. I was torn.

I had planned to stay in the comfort of my own home snuggled up with my husband watching LDS conference, as we always do, as its tradition. We even have treats and traditions we do during conference and I will miss that. Not only that, but this is terrifying. I don’t know what will happen. It’s the Unknown that scares me. The last time those women went they were shut out at one point by a garbage truck (No I am not kidding- Here is the picture)

This time, I need to leave the comfort of my home, to comfort my sisters. I want to be with them. I love them.

After all, isn't that what Christ would do? To comfort those in need of comfort. Heal the brokenhearted, LOVE. It is after all the most important. Not judgement.  LOVE.