Sunday, November 5, 2017

Don't Be A Dick

I am SO sick of some men treating women like they are a piece of meat for their inspection...(and before I get accused of being a man hater let me remind you that I am a woman who has been married to a guy for 27 years... :)) I walk down the street or store and guys look me up and down and even their comments make me want to mace them in the face for treating me that way...of course I don't but I am so weary and just plain exhausted being treated like this simply because I am a woman on this planet.

Men who do this need to grow up!

There are times men do it specifically for me to see in an obvious way and its just GROSS. It shows an unconscious privilege that some men have.

The other day one of my friends on Facebook  asked "what a person noticed about people when they meet them" (It is not the person’s fault who posted it that the person responded this way, but it was just so slimy and she just excused it- it eggs guys like this on) a guy responded and this is what ensued...and women excusing it is disgusting...( thank you my other friend for your response at the end. I appreciate it so much) I have written fucking blogs about this...
(Blogs at about 38,000 woo hoo)

The other day a woman told me online how much something I wrote helped her...this is why I write...this itself may end up a blog.
This guy’s comment about meeting people::
Dick: Nice rack , then eyes 👀 ! 😂😂😂
Friend 3: I don't think you're like that but, I wouldn't blame you if you are :-)
DICK: well I was joking , but what man don’t look at a nice rack !! 😂😂
Me: Dick I guess that means that a woman can compare men’s penises against others penises...
Me: It’s a small minded thing to do
Me: And gives men excuses to do horrible things
Me: It’s called get a brain in the right place
Me: Eye roll...Yes that’s the first thing I do when I meet a person... I guess the only people you meet are other women because I don’t think a man would appreciate them looking at “your rack”...Damn do you really go around looking at other men’s penises and saying “nice rack.”You might want to rethink that especially with all the well deserved sexual-harassment suits that are going around...Heaven forbid you get fired from your job for being an asshole...damn what women put up with...
DICK: It was a joke Heidi !
Me:  Mansplaining... that’s what men say when they say something disgusting to women or about women...It’s not funny and it just makes least most of them roll their eyes. It’s just gross man. And I’m a lady that’s been married 27 years so no I’m not a man hater I just hate it when men are pigs...You’re making men look bad and you don’t have to. I’m not a piece of meat. Would you like it if I said the first thing that I look for talking to a person is if they have a great penis?The good thing man is to look at and only if they have a great penis , a good body a good body and nice hair and they’re young anyone else we can just throw them away... you don’t need to talk to them don’t need them at all...don’t need them at all in fact... Oh don’t worry husband I’m not looking at those younger men and their penises are you it’s not everyone but you...My husband just stated that last point... now he’s a decent guy
DICK: Heidi Sebastion 👍
Friend: Heidi , I went to High School with DICK. Trust me he's totally not that way he was being funny :-)
Me: I hear you...but that kind of talk turns women into objects and it’s not funny...
DICK: Heidi Sebastion I apologize !
Me: A guy who is very big on stopping this kind of talk (Jackson Katz - if every guy would be like this guy There wouldn’t be a problem anymore) anyway he talks about if men would stop each other instead of rationalize that men would be stopped as bad treatment would stop... I appreciate what you said John 🙂 thanks from women everywhere... 🙂 (I didn't see his comment up above making excuses for it so its an empty so called "sorry" men making excuses for men is pathetic.)
Friend 3: I see the full moon is working its be Vernis on all of us :-)
Me: I would say this to any guy treating women like this
Me: And as a woman it’s worse if women defend it... they make other women victims of men. I’m really disappointed (friends name) that you’re doing that and making excuses for him. That is how this shit keeps going. when men stay silent or egg them on and women excuse it laugh about it (because thats what we are taught to do as women or say "thats ok"
Friend 2: Heidi does have a point.

Me: From my blog thats over 38,000 hits- men like you are the reason I write blogs like this, to help women stand up for themselves. A woman told me the other day that she read my blog and it helped her stand up for herself. I'm damn proud that its helping women to stand up for themselves instead of staying silent.
DICK: Heidi Sebastion what exactly do you mean by stand up for themselves ?!?!
Me: If you don't understand that comment you’re more clueless and need more help than anyone can give. Not talking to your sorry pathetic perverted disgusting self anymore. BYE! And I think it’s hilarious that you feel you have to tag me to try to get my attention just to be an even bigger dick.

DICK: Heidi Sebastion 👍
Friend: Women are always sexualized by men. Most jobs I've ever had throughout my life I had to quit because of sexual harassment. Even now some creepy male customers make my job very uncomfortable because they come on to me. I've had to tell them to leave me alone. I just want to do my job without being bothered.

Me: I totally hear you! And if men would police other men instead of egging them on and acting like "oh you are such a stud for doing it" not to mention women being taught to put up with it and even excuse it and be 'oh hahah thats funny (when really in reality what woman is really thinking that? ) this bullshit would stop.

Friend 6: I'm non binary but I'm read as male by everyone now. So I do my best to police other men and tell them to stop. It's disgusting how men talk about women when they think there aren't any around.

Friend 3 Good morning :-) Heidi, I agree wholeheartedly with the majority of how you feel on the subject. I wasn't meaning to condone DICK'Scomment. I do not know him very well but, even in high school he has always been known for being somewhat shy loves to get out and play pool he works hard and he definitely was a mama's boy. I used to work with his dad at the Navy base years ago and he's passed on several years ago but October 26th John's mother died and it was devastating to him. His comment about the rack I must say came out of left field from him. I was more surprised that he even left a comment on my wall for the first time in a long time. Anyway, I've got to get back over to your blog and catch up with things. I hope you and I are okay?

ME: We are, just made me sad that you coddled the guy about it...I know people don't want to start waves but acting like its ok just fuels the flames with guys...Even sadly with his mother dying its even worse that he would spout that crap about women. I just won't put up with that. ...I would have said what I did to anyone who spouted that shit... Its triggering- I'm sure not just for me... which is why I don't stay quiet...I feel like I'm speaking for those who are afraid to.

Friend 3: I like that you stood up for your values. Always welcome on my wall :-)

Me:I like to think I stand up for all women where some think they can't...

Friend 4:Way past due for us to treat each other as beings and not genders and stereotypes.

   Me: YES!

Friend 1: Some years ago, I was passing an office that was being remodeled. I was with two other women. It was lunch time and the workers were all sitting in a huge glassed in area. As we passed a worker held up three signs, 10-9- and 8. We walked on around the corner and there was a woman police officer. So I told her, when we walked back to our office she was in with the workers shaking her finger at the rater. So seldom does opportunity present itself so quickly.

Me: Good for you guys and that police officer...I hope she gave him HELL!

And just for fun: Damn this song is stuck in my head now...might have to look it up on ITunes...

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Taking A Knee In Seattle (One Woman's Reaction(Not Mine) And The Real Reason Colin Kaepernick Kneels For The National Anthem (Its not what you think)

In Seattle we have what we call “Blue Friday.”

We all dress up in our seahawks gear. (Well maybe not all of us, but a lot of us.) We love our Seahawks football team and we wear that blue and green with pride. I have a jersey that I won because I bet someone online (I said that anyone who dared to bet me that I would buy them a jersey if their team won, and they would buy me my Seahawks Jersey if they won the Superbowl. That ended up pretty hilarious (And Damien was a good sport...and made me laugh so hard...we really got going there :P) That blog is here:

Well yesterday I was at the store, and as usual someone said “go hawks!” So I talked about how when my husband and I were eating at a place, there were a million screaming Seahawks fans.

That’s when a woman checking out at the register said

“I’m so sick of that!”

“Sick of what?” I said.

She said “that take a knee crap. I’m so sick of it!!”

I said “This country has a HUGE problem with racism. I’m PROUD of my seahawks for kneeling. It’s a racist anthem written by a racist man. I have NO idea what it is like to deal with racism. I don’t understand racism. I never will.”

“We white women are standing here and we have NO clue what it is like to deal with racism.”

She said “It’s the wrong venue to do that. They need to stop.”

I said “ and yet look what it’s done. Finally people are talking about it. YOU are talking about it.”

That completely shut her up.

And if you want to know Colin' real reason for kneeling, here it is:

(Thank you Zann for this) 

Aug 14, 2016- Colin Kaepernick sits for the national anthem.....and no one noticed 
Aug 20th, 2016- Colin again sits, and again, no one noticed. 
Aug 26th, 2016- Colin sits and this time he is met with a level of vitriol unseen against an athlete.  
Even the future President of the United States took shots at him while on the campaign trail.  
Colin went on to explain his protest had NOTHING to do with the military, but he felt it hard to stand for a flag that didn't treat people of color fairly. 
Then on on Aug 30th, 2016 Nate Boyer, a former Army Green Beret turned NFL long snapper, penned an open letter to Colin in the Army Times. In it he expressed how Colin's sitting affected him. 
Then a strange thing happened. 
Colin was able to do what most Americans to date have not... 
He listened. 
In his letter Mr. Boyer writes: "I’m not judging you for standing up for what you believe in. It’s your inalienable right. What you are doing takes a lot of courage, and I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was like to walk around in your shoes. I’ve never had to deal with prejudice because of the color of my skin, and for me to say I can relate to what you’ve gone through is as ignorant as someone who’s never been in a combat zone telling me they understand what it’s like to go to war. Even though my initial reaction to your protest was one of anger, I’m trying to listen to what you’re saying and why you’re doing it." Mr. Boyer goes on to write, "There are already plenty people fighting fire with fire, and it’s just not helping anyone or anything. So I’m just going to keep listening, with an open mind.I look forward to the day you're inspired to once again stand during our national anthem. I'll be standing right there next to you."Empathy and understanding was shown by Mr. Boyer.........and Mr. Kaepernick reciprocated.  
Colin invited Nate to San Diego where the two had a 90 minute discussion and Nate proposed Colin kneel instead of sit. But why kneel? In a military funeral, after the flag is taken off the casket of the fallen military member, it is smartly folded 13 times and then presented to the parents, spouse or child of the fallen member by a fellow service member while KNEELING.  
The two decided that kneeling for the flag would symbolize his reverence for those that paid the ultimate sacrifice while still allowing Colin to peacefully protest the injustices he saw. Empathy, not zealotry under the guise of patriotism, is the only way meaningful discussion can be had.  
Mr. Kaepernick listened to all of you that say he disrespects the military and extended an olive branch to find a peace. 
When will America listen to him?

And a VERY good interview below with Nate Boyer (I recommend watching the whole thing (And he plays for the SEAHAWKS.. BONUS!)

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

My Daughter (Who is overseas in a Muslim country) And a little Muslim Boy Who Has Been Ravaged By War: Thoughts Regarding Charlottesville (printed with her permission)

From my daughter who is overseas... I am so proud of the writer she is becoming... and what she stands for.

"Some of my many thoughts regarding Charlottesville*

Last month, when I was traveling through Malaysia (a Muslim majority country), I met a restaurant owner with a 7 year old son, and both wanted to practice their English with me. They were so kind; the father kept asking me questions about my travels and told me that he hoped to travel someday too. And the son had just gotten a good grade on an English test and told me that it was his favorite subject, moreso than even his own Malay language classes.

After a while, I needed to leave and asked them if they had any questions for me. I then told them that I was an American and asked the little boy if he had any questions about America, "as long as it's not about Donald Trump," I said to his father, while laughing it off.

The second I mentioned Trump's name, the little boy panicked. He ran to his father's side and started hyperventilating. "Donald Trump wants to kill me!" he said. "Donald Trump wants to kill my country. What did we do?" Even the father had nothing to say as his son cried. Only later did he tell me that they were refugees from Yemen, a country that suffered 70 United States airstrikes in one month, under Trump's command.

I couldn't do anything. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything but cry with the little boy for the first few minutes. Then I put my hands on the boy's shoulders and said, "I want you to listen to me. There are good people and bad people in every country. There are people who are so miserable that they want to hurt people, and that's what Donald Trump is. But the good people, they won't let anything happen to you. They love you and want you to be safe." The boy seemed unconvinced and I couldn't blame him. I couldn't even convince myself.

Because now, I look back to that little boy and all I can think is, "Was that a lie?" Would the "good people" of my country care about that little boy? He was (1) Muslim, (2) non-white, and (3) poor. Would my neighbors, who are polite, God bless them, but "just don't want to get involved in politics" see someone like him as worth protecting? Where is the line drawn? What if he was Jewish and saw the Neo-Nazis walking up and down our streets?

What's worth protecting now?

My friends, in the wake of Charlottesville, we no longer have the option of remaining neutral in American politics. The whole world is watching us, including the children who are learning what America stands for. On our own soil, Mr. Trump has turned our country into a battleground between Nazism and those who fight against Nazism, by equating the two as comparable evils. And as always, when fighting against pure evil, there cannot be a middle ground.

Our country is having an identity crisis right before our eyes. So now is our time to decide what our country truly stands for. We have to remember who we have to protect.

The State Of America

This is sobering.

EVERYONE who thinks that the Nazis aren't trying to organize here in America (And everyone outside of America) needs to watch this. This is, up close and personal, the state of America.

One Nazi said that this was the biggest "nationalist" (Might as well say it RACIST) rally in over 2 decades.

THIS is what we are REALLY dealing with. (My husband has said he thinks they are organizing even before this happened, and I think hes right.)

What this Nazi man is trying to justify... someone ramming a car into a crowd saying "The right wants violence and that they are only meeting the demand" (With him showing all of his guns and a knife to the journalist telling her what the nazis are planning to do) is absolutely horrifying and just a peek into a seriously demented state of mind.

I am sorry, I have heard others say we need to just "talk to them" This journalist did, and what she found was terifying. We need to make sure these people NEVER do this again. Protest is fine, but these people are not just protesting, their intention is to incite violence and promote fear in the American public.

This is DEEPLY troubling. Some one died here. We need to be actively looking for ways to make sure this doesn't happen again... (In my minds the police being there could have stopped this!) It should NOT celebrated by these deeply twisted people as if its some kind of Victory.

What the HELL America????

Video below:

And lets not forget Heather, the woman who died in is the incredible speech by her mother...this mothers speech is what got me to march in Portland against the Nazis...

Friday, August 11, 2017

Owned By A Cat (Ode To Jezabel)

Woke up at 2 or so with thoughts in my head about Jezabel, my sweet cat who died last month) I've been waking up around 2 or 3 am every morning with memories of her.  I am collecting them and have started writing about her. I imagine I am ready to write her story, though I will do it slowly. They are happy memories, though I imagine writing about the end is going to be excruciating.

I've never written a poem (if that's what this is...) and not sure this is finished...but here it is.
Kevin O'Conner I'd love your thoughts on this...

Hilariously, a couple of the stanzas came about because of Game Of Thrones... (See if you can figure out which lines they are) Thank you G.O.T. for helping me write my poem,...HAHA! 

Owned By A Cat

(Ode To Jezabel)

Young kitten
So soft, so sweet
Mewing and kneading
Your soft little paw in my hand
Begging for food
Kneading love

Strong cat
walking, stalking as you do
Invisible tiger in the grass
"You don’t see me"
But I do

Sitting in the sun as if you own it
Sharpening claws on trees as if you own them
Sharpening claws on me.

I am smitten,
Owned by a cat 
Whose “eye kisses” make my day
Just a little more sweet.

The blanket is not mine
My legs are not mine
She sleeps between them
And insists on hogging the bed
Until the bed is not mine.

I am in love with a creature
Who wakes me with hairballs
Running around the house at night
Attacker of toilet paper rolls and socks

A tiny dragon slaying mice
Who pounces on spiders
And pulls birds from the sky
To lay them at my feet
small gifts of death from a queen
Surveyor of her kingdom

And now she lies in my arms
She who was so majestic
And hilarious
And still loved
"Help me" in her eyes
Hardly breathing, frail, and begging for relief
Her soft little paw in my hand

I will release her

Though it will haunt me all my life

(C) 2017 Heidi Vesser

Monday, July 24, 2017

Jezabel and Sebastion: never parted ever again.

My cat Jezabel, died 3 weeks ago. I've been too heartbroken to post anything for the last weeks. She and Sebastion were best friends. This picture was when Buggy was sick (his nickname was buggy...he was relentless and would bug you until you gave him your undivided attention. The sweetest thing was when he would stick his little muzzle in your hand and keep nuzzling till you paid attention to him..

I'm sure I'll be writing about her soon and  what a sweet, amazing cat she was. This is what I wrote when Buggy (Sebastion) our dog (and her best friend) died. (The rest about Sebastion is on the right hand side in 2011.)

Monday, June 19, 2017

The Best Response I Have EVER heard On The Subject Of Modesty (from a GUY with daughters on Twitter who posted it and it went VIRAL)

The other day I went to my blog and found some man had posted on a blog I wrote about how I almost committed suicide at 16 because my abusive father had "forgotten" my birthday. (I found out later it was on purpose.) Anyway,  the man on my blog posted about how I dressed like a "whore" and that "I shouldn't dye my hair" or wear make up  (hilariously, he was looking at my picture on here where I dressed up like a fairy...not that it matters,and WHY did he post what he did on my blog about suicide? It had nothing to do with it, BUT with that said... I will dress however the hell I wish to wear and if any man messes with me on it, (or freaking touches me) they will get their ass kicked, or handed to them.) No man will EVER tell me how to dress. This is in response to the idiot who was calling me a "little one"  (You wanna bet? This amazon could whip your ass!) And telling me to "Come back to God" (I already know who he is, I had a near death experience at 16 and the nature of God is LOVE, not the B.S. coming out of your mouth.)

Today this was on Facebook, and it is beautiful.

This is the best thing I've ever heard a guy say on the debate about modesty. I think EVERYONE needs to read this. SERIOUSLY. (2) (he's gay,(he also has daughters) and he brings up some seriously incredible points that are really, just common sense.)

"The main premise of "modesty" culture is that women need to dress in a way that doesn't provoke sexual response in men. Which is insane.
I think it is absolutely crazy that a man can look at a woman and say "I think you should wear something else, because seeing your skin
makes me feel aroused. And that arousal is strong and I haven't learned how to appropriately manage it. So please change your clothes."
This is BONKERS. Especially when men then start to claim that a woman is *worth* more if they dress a certain way. As if covering flesh
somehow earns a woman value, all because it doesn't evoke a sexual response in men. And then, if a woman DOESN'T do this?
Well now a man has the "right" to chastise a woman, call her names, say she is slutty and wicked. All because *he* is having a sexual response!
Newsflash: women's worth is STATIC. It is inviolable. It doesn't change with what she does or doesn't wear. It doesn't change with sex.
And a man's sexuality is HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY.
Wanna known I know this? It's because in my whole life I have never told another man how to dress even though a man's body arouses me.
 I have never told a man he should put his shirt on on a hot day when he is on a summer run. I have never demanded modesty from a guy.
 I have never expected men to stop wearing loose basketball shorts just because they might be revealing to me and turn me on.
 In fact, I have had, my entire life, been in situations where men take ALL THEIR CLOTHES OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME (locker rooms, etc.).
And guess what? Even though I have felt aroused, I have never EVER blamed another man for that arousal. My arousal is about ME.Not him.
 I have never assaulted another man for this. I have never raped another man for this. I have never claimed a man was "asking for it."
A person's worth is static, inviolable, and begins the day they are born as a baby until the day they die. Clothes do not change this.
 And a man's arousal is HIS OWN DAMN RESPONSIBILITY. It is NOT the responsibility of the body that evoke's that arousal. Ever.
Straight men blaming women for their own sexual responses degrades women. And it dis empowers men. It excuses them from taking ownership of their own bodies. And it allows them to build fury towards what they covet. It's dangerous. It leads to assault. It IS rape culture.
My four daughters deserve better than this. They deserve to be safe. They deserve to wear what feels good to them on a summer day.
And they deserve to relish knowing that they are valuable no matter WHAT they wear. (You know, the same message men get from birth on!)"

Thank you Josh, from women EVERYWHERE. 

Josh's Twitter Feed....

Thursday, May 11, 2017

"What The Last Nuremberg Prosecutor Alive Wants The World To Know"

This is Benjamin Ferencz 

Powerful stuff.

What a brave and sunny soul, despite everything he has seen.

His philosophy is pretty much the same philosophy that I believe.

(check out the links on the side much good information!)