Thursday, February 16, 2023

I moved...and then I moped. The Move Knocked me into the WORST Menopause stuff I have ever been through in my Life. Ok now. WHEW!

 

I haven't written on the blog in a while. For years really. And, let me tell you...life has been STRANGE.

Between covid and horrible menopausal surges (I'll talk about that in a bit) It's been YEARS since I have felt...well, ok. I FINALLY, after years, a couple brutal deaths, (my cat and Pauline), and a move, that I am sorry to say, I turned up being in Idaho.

Last year my father-in-law got VERY sick with covid, ( I like to spell it with a small c...does that somehow make me feel like I have more power over it? Meh, no dammit, I wish.)

Last year about this time, I would sob every day, crying, missing my old house that we sold thinking about the thousands of dollars and flowers, and fruit trees, and all the beauty that was Washington state for me…



I was having horrible hot flashes, and my face was breaking out with menopausal acne and rosacea.
I was having all kinds of menopausal issues…pretty much everyone you can think of.
I had no idea menopause could be so brutal, moving here to Idaho, actually brought on my menopause, (we moved here because my father-in-law had Covid last year and almost died, and just wanted to be a little bit closer to where they are so we can go there if he needs help or if their family needs help …
A naturopath told me when they took my blood That all the stress from moving knocked me right into menopause that’s how much stress I was under.
Just to give you an example, when we started driving to Idaho, my husband and I were in two separate cars and honestly, it was a good thing.

As we started to get closer to Idaho, the trees and water and beautiful things that are Washington disappeared, and at one point for 50 miles there was only dirt because of farmland.




I started screaming and crying, sobbing…”I can’t believe I did this. Why did I move? “
I was glad he wasn’t in the car because I could let it all out, compared to just sitting there shocked at the ugliness. I SCREAMED. "WHY DID I DO THIS??? WHY did I move???? Why did I let him talk me into this???"
For almost an entire year, My stress levels were so incredibly high, ( It didn’t help that there are areas around here, where there are blocks of big black tires, and another area, where there are blocks and blocks and blocks of disassembled semis… it’s just so ugly and there’s so much dirt and tumbleweeds and sagebrush, ) when for 20 years I lived in this gorgeous paradise…(Washinton) I would wake up and sob and think about places like deception pass where it’s out near the sound and it’s gorgeous. I used to get a picnic basket And pack us a really yummy lunch with croissants and ham and cheese and all kinds of really yummy Stuff from the co-op that was just phenomenal.



After all of this, and moving here as I said before, I thought I was dying.
I went to bed, terrified every night because I kept sleeping for two hours, and no more, and for months I dealt with this.
On YouTube, there was a guy who is into gardening that I saw, he actually had his cell phone number, and I texted him about gardening, and then saw his wife was into herbs, which I’m very into.
I told him I had been sleeping two hours a night when I texted him and he sent me straight to his wife's texts… she is an herbologist.
She also dealt with low, sleep herself and found something called rna re-mite and re-mag… I got that, and it started to help me sleep a little better, and the hot flashes that were just torture went away other than feeling a little warm sometimes… She gave me lots of recommendations like ginkgo biloba for dizziness, which made that go away…
She also recommended that I do this group with Dr. Livingood… ( I like his stuff a LOT though he sure touts the stuff he sells a lot. The info though that he has is SO good and makes it worth it listening to his pitches.
Today I get to meet herbologist friend as we’re going to the Melaleuca castle here in Idaho Falls. I’m really excited to meet her. I feel like she has saved my life in more than one way. (She is a very sweet woman.)

For months I couldn't sleep. I'd only sleep only two hours, and I just stayed in my pajamas and moped. Never mind that I have really nice funky clothes. (Pauline used to say " you don't have clothes...you have costumes." :p They didn't get taken out of the closet for months.
Anyway, now I'm wearing my cool clothes again! I even am wearing my cool brick red lipstick and my face finally STOPPED breaking out. I’m not crying every day and more. Sure I miss my flowers in Washington state and everything else but I think I’m going to make it thank God.!!! ❤️
A week or two ago my herbologist friend recommended this stuff.
What’s interesting is I started taking these yesterday and all of a sudden I’m going more if you get my drift.
Anyway, my mood has lifted from the last year of crying every day to finding a reason to live again, ( not even kidding I can’t believe how brutal menopause is for me ) so I am so grateful to Dr. LJ and to this woman and to my life!
Less than a month ago I wasn’t sure I wanted to live and now I’m back to everything I love and I feel like myself again. FINALLY. I honestly haven't felt this good in YEARS. Its wonderful. I am SO Grateful!!!

Sunday, December 11, 2022

BAD SANTA! (I am allowed everywhere else in the mall EXCEPT where Santa is.)

                                                                    BAD SANTA!!!



I am awake because I had a horrible, triggering experience today. But it's weirdly funny. The more I think about it, the funnier it is.

I went to visit Santa at the mall that I sang 4 songs with a day ago…it wasn’t very busy and we sang together.

I got pictures taken.

 We were singing and we were talking. It was seriously FUN!

This time it was earlier in the day and of course people were coming up with their kids, so I got out of the way but because I was waiting to get my pictures I stayed there and talked with the people.

Because I always stick "Bart The Bat" brochures (I am a children's book author who wants to tell people about how good bats are- they pollinate cacao (chocolate- look it up on google, its really true.) in my purse I was telling them about meeting a bat, giving them brochures etc...I just wasn't thinking about it....

Well next thing I know the mall cop comes up, starts saying I need to leave and I said "I need my pictures" He said you didn't pay for them." I was mortified- the college kid who awas at the booth never asked for it and I spaced out…I said "Here's my card" I'm happy to pay and I told him a thing or two and he said "I don't give a fuck, you need to leave."

I was SO angry because he was really being a jerk. I said "I am getting my pictures. You are being incredibly rude. Don't talk to me that way, especially as an employee of the mall."

I also told him I had a $25 Victoria's Secret Card.  He's like I'll walk you there, get what you want but then you have to leave."

Anyway, I got my stuff, no one else was there so I sang the song with Santa that I was going to sing, (I heard The Bells On Christmas day (I was going to record it for me Facebook page and the college kid had my phone but of course now she handed it back seeing it was getting weird. ) I didn’t mean to but I sang “ backwards) “The right shall fail, the wrong prevail” I was so turned around. OMG. WHOOPS.

Then got my pics after having her take one more pic as she did a seriously crappy job. 

Then the security guard and I went to V.S. I talked to him for a while, I was so rattled and shaking that I was having trouble remembering where my car was...

He said he would help me find my car and I said "Ok- maybe if you do that I won't think you're a total asshole." Then he kind of smiled. ( I remembered where it was a few minutes later) He apologized for swearing. (I told him the F word was my go to word when I was angry, and he said that was his go to...)

I talked to him as he was walking me to my car...he is African American, and I asked him if he was mormon (as so many people here are. I have great neighbors, 3 around me that I know of and we all help each other when on vacation and get packages for each other and mail. They are quite nice.) He said no and I said "Thank God, you're smart! HAHA...I also told him (this is in the newspapers from long ago, and a long buried fact but when African Americans were given the priesthood in the mormon church the REAL reason that happened was because about 500 relatives of African Americans actually threatened to sue the mormon church if they didn't give them the priesthood- so guess what? Suddenly God and "the prophet" had a "Revelation." suddenly it happened and they got the priesthood.) Anyway, we kept talking. I asked him "are we good?"

He said yes and we both went on our way. 

That was BAD. I I am still awake and rattled.  I found out from him that Santa actually called him on me. One of my friends said does that make me on Santa's naughty list? 😛 OMG 🤣 but WHOAH. I won't bring my brochures again…

I just was bored because that 17 year old employee who didn’t ask for my card kept ushering people in front of me- which I understand but I just forgot to give her my card. And I always talk about bats because of the one that ended up in my house (I helped him out of my house too because no one would help me!) 

Again...bats pollinate cacao- chocolate- a lot of people don’t know that…(look it up on google…its an actual thing) They also pollinate pineapple, and coffee beans, and pretty much every fruit. They are IMPORTANT. 


Anyway, I have over 1300 people on my Facebook page- really SANTA, I don’t need to advertise…

Ok the next day I went back…I must be an idiot.

I originally wanted to go to say I was sorry for soliciting  and sing with Santa- I even printed out "I Heard The Bells On Christmas day" in bigger font because "Santa" said he couldn't see smaller font, so I printed one bigger. The guy is a great singer- (I was in a band years back writing and singing and we got invited as one of 3 bands to be in :”Battle of The Bands when I lived there- I sang like 4 songs with him just because he did.) I had thought he was a nice guy.

(Though that first day they were taking forever and even having little kids cutting in front of me to get pics even though I was there the first time I went there- it was annoying, but I did it, even helped. (I thought) Later when the security guy came up he said something about paying- she hadn't asked me for my card though stupidly I spaced out and didnt give it to her at the beginning. My fault. Ug...a glutton for punishment obviously I went back and sang.

When I was there for such a long time (I also was having fun watching Santa and the kids but I did sing a bit. Santa is really good with the kids,,,I noticed that some of the little kids who were terrified of Santa would get scared-(I know my daughter sure did)- one girl at their place had just seen "A Christmas Story" and her mother said and was terrified of Santa because of the Santa fromthat movie...I can still hear that Santa in my head. "Ho ho ho!"

So I knew the mall Santa sang and told the girl that had just seen 'A Christmas Story with the scary Santa to tell him her favorite Christmas song...she did and they sang together.... It was really cute.

I told other kids that he sang and sang with them off by the booth (not where they were. Maybe that annoyed Santa. I don't know.)

Not long after Santa actually called security on me (He had no idea I helped that little girl to not be terrified of him.)

This time I waited in line to sit with Santa and take another picture and pay $50 for it...like I said, I even printed out a bigger caps version of the song I wanted to sing with him. ( I Heard The Bells On Christmas Day is so powerful... that's the one I wanted to sing. Still sad about that)  I made sure the second time that no brochures were in my purse too)   he said he had trouble seeing the words to a Christmas song on my phone last time we sang together(we sang 4 songs together last time. )

THE ONLY REASON I STAYED LONGER IS BECAUSE THEY KEPT HAVING PEOPLE CUT IN FRONT OF ME. I was patient, but on another note because they did that I was astonished that they kept doing that. (though I get it, they had to hurry people through.)

Again, with all of that going on, again- stupidly, I forgot to pay.

The security guard reminded me of that when he came over and I was mortified. Of course I paid then.

This 2nd time around, I waited in line, and I even let a little girl in front of me.  We all had to wait as he was on break. He shook all our hands ( mine last)  and then sat in his perch.

That's when I saw the security guard and they asked me to leave again! They said that I could go anywhere else in the mall, just not there near Santa. SO weird. Banished.

OMG I have been rejected by  Santa. 🤣  I think he called the security guards on me again.




OK I’ve heard the phrase “sometimes you will be too much for some people." But I’ve never heard the phrase “but they may call security.” Looking at this picture actually makes me laugh because .😥🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Later I printed this out and brought it to the Mall Manager and he said he was sorry that any of this happened to me.

This was after Santa called the mall cops... he looks pretty guilty doesn't he?


I was totally goofing off but I think Santa had had enough of me 😜🤣 omggggg🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’m such a kid but I did have fun singing with Santa till he called the mall cops on me. WOW.


Monday, August 5, 2019

Those We Love Never Completely Leave us. Ever.



Pauline died in July last year...she was like a mother to me.

Coincidentally, or maybe NOT so coincidentally I got a call for an appointment that was in Edmonds, Washington, a place that has so many memories for me a week after the anniversary of her death.
As I drove I saw Pauline everywhere around there. It was hard to drive through as everywhere I looked, there were memories EVERYWHERE I looked.
I got teary eyed going past where they had the "Taste Of Edmonds" that Pauline and I went to for so many years, driving through so many spaces that Pauline and I occupied.
I went to downtown Edmonds near the water, parked and got out. I thought, oh, I'll just go to our favorite spot. When I got there, it was GONE. Our favorite shop was GONE. I was heartbroken, it felt like everything that Pauline and I had seen was slowly disappearing and I was trying not to cry. I decided to walk through what used to be Whimsy...a beautiful shop that had the most gorgeous $10 lacy scarves that we used to love to buy, among the funky clothes....thinking about the things we used to buy there. I was about to walk out when...
OH!
I stopped cold. To the right of me were at least 8 paintings. ALL with the EXACT blue butterfly that wouldn't leave me alone on the day Pauline died.( I couldn't help it...I called my husband bawling...he said "Are you ok?"
I could hardly speak I was crying so hard. (I bought two prints of the pictures which are here)
I see signs everywhere telling me those we love look in on us, every once in a while.

Those we love never completely leave us. Never forget that.

(The book "Bart Befriends A Butterfly" about "Grammy/Pauline is almost finished! The last picture in this book is a little different than the butterfly I saw...the orange is a nod to Pauline as it was her favorite color)

More about the book at www.bartthebat.com (The Bat That Came To Breakfast and Bart Befriends A Butterfly) (C) H.D Vesser 2019



Thursday, July 18, 2019

Man Killed By Police In Tacoma Washington: His Daughters Response (The man I and My Friends Spoke To At The Candlelight Vigil Hours Before His Death)

I am so glad that at least I got to meet this man (Will)  in the last moments of his life and speak to him. I will never forget how passionate he was.

So glad that I was determined to go to the The Tacoma concentration camp  (well, they are concentrating certain people with brown skin in those camps... that IS a concentration camp, and it HAS been done to death in history. The first one was in Cuba ) 

He was at that horrible place to protest holding the people inside. 

I don’t care what anyone else says...this man was a beautiful soul who felt deeply and cared more than anyone will ever know. I may not agree with what he did, but talking to him with his sign that said "Never Again" I could tell that he CARED that people are suffering. I will always remember how loving and especially passionate he was about those people being held inside the center.

This is what his daughter said about her father.

https://www.kuow.org/stories/his-heart-was-tender-and-large-daughter-of-antifa-killed-at-northwest-detention-center-reflects-on-his-life?fbclid=IwAR32hj53JAPnNl7QFQ9sf4fgn5AfVzVN9PUwKbGtnktuInAq-NkheSgVxpY

The Anniversary Of Her Death, And Yet, She Is Showing Me There Is Life.


(Pauline is int he green hat...I am the one in the middle with red blonde and black hair)

Soooo...I hear that this retrograde thing is going on along with a few other things...I haven't felt this down in YEARS. I think I am starting to feel a bit better because....

Pauline (my friend that died July 16th last year) seems to me as if she has sent messages over these last few days)

a white moth showed up in my front AND back yard when I was outside, and a hummingbird sat in front of me in my back yard .
Then it flew right in front of me and sat there contemplating whether it should drink from the flowers I had in my hand for a few minutes (it almost drank from one)
I had orange flowers in my hand in memory of my friend (some orange ones had just bloomed, her favorite color- strangely they died the next day, I kid you not...that they died so quick made me cry again.  ) the WHOLE day was hard.

Today a store that a friend told me about called "The Neverending Bookshop" popped up on my Facebook feed.
I had looked at it before but today I realized that its in Edmonds Washington which made me bawl.

Edmonds was our stomping grounds (I would drive her around even though I had to drive half an hour to an hour to get there...we would grocery shop...and her favorite place was by the ferry and the water.)

We would hang out at all the quaint shops downtown.

This shop is around the quaint shops downtown.

Oh My GOD. A woman who introduced me to this shop who helps small business owners told me she is going to introduce me to the shops owner.

I have an excuse to go back. Still sitting here crying.

Thinking too...yesterday I submitted the last request to the artist for the last picture in my second book in my "Bart The Bat" series "Bart Befriends A Butterfly" (That book is all about her. ) Coincidence? Maybe not.

Tuesday, July 16, 2019

Willem Von Spronson's Manifesto (The Man Who Was Shot And Killed By Tacoma Police)


I am awake at 4 A.M. this morning. I can't stop thinking about this guy. Before we left the Tacoma Detention center protest candlelight vigil ( I was with friends) we talked to Willem. ( I did for a few minutes, then talked to another woman next to him who was also leaving about how there had been a camp here before where they were protesting and how the police bulldozed their camp at the detention center.)

I just remember Willem being very sad about how people were being treated inside the canter. I just remember he looked really sad. I will never forget his eyes. He had such kind eyes. He just looked so sad.

He said he "Just didn't like concentration camps" and that he was staying all night and that he had done that before. (stayed all night after protests) He had a sign that said "Never Again."

He seemed like someone who cared very VERY much about how people were treated.

I see on social media that more than one person has said that Willem was not someone who they thought showed "White privilege." That he just cared very deeply about how people were treated.


A couple years ago, I was at Trader Joes grocery and talked about the Womans March that I was going to go to, and an AntiFa (antifascist) woman came up and spoke to me.

She said " we are here and at marches and protests to protect people. We, (Antifa) and I have gone to marches against Nazi's standing in front of our brothers and sisters who are at risk (especially those of color who are targeted)  to protect them (Physically if it comes to that) at all costs"

I have heard, and saw at the Portland March Against The Nazis (which I went to) that Antifa was there handing out granola in wicker baskets to the protesters (I got a bag of granola)

The feeling I get is that they feel they are here to protect people.

I think Willem was trying to make a statement. (for those of you who saw the car that was burnt up- that was his daughters car.)  I think that he was trying to wake people up.

This is the message I think he wants people to know through his "Manifesto."

Not that I agree with it entirely, but I think we are at a troubling time in our history.

This is his Manifesto. (His picture and manifesto was posted by someone who is involved in his Antifa group.)

I can at least post it, and those who see it will understand better where he was coming from. (or maybe not depending on which side of the fence you are on.)

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=332474284327545&set=pcb.332474300994210&type=3&theater

Looks like someone already wrote a song about him: https://garlicbreadandroses.bandcamp.com/album/willem-van-spronsen?fbclid=IwAR2t47DTixDatRRfYg-a9GjTk4SUqFOsgT5Zs12RR7UlE3JtE-c2xHGaJ3g

Sunday, July 14, 2019

The Man In Tacoma Washington Who Was Shot And Killed By Police- My Friends And I talked To Him The Night Before

I am heartbroken...a man we talked to who was at the protest in Tacoma, Washington who really cared about the horrible things that are happening in this country and who really came across as a beautiful soul is DEAD. (My friends were talking more to him.
We were all at the protest in Tacoma Washington for the candlelight vigil for the 1575 people there. We were protesting the conditions, how they are holding people in cages, places where some haven't had showers for weeks, where they sit in their own filth (its so crowded that even basic amenities are denied) 
This man said he was staying all night, saying he was staying because he "didn't like concentration camps") 
He had a sign that said "Never Again" 
He was all alone, and just before we left we met some people who were setting up a lit stencil saying "Close The Concentration Camps" onto the concentration camps wall.
The woman setting it up said that "the more people who are around when we do it the better because the police do things they don't normally do when others are alone." 
I kid you not.
Her words are ringing in my head right now.
I remember when she said that I felt so relieved that when we left there hadn't been any police action, and that none of us were arrested for being there at the protest.
Now I am just heartbroken that they took his life.
And I don't know that I believe the police story either. I hadn't seen any kind of weapons or fire starting things anywhere around the guy. I saw he had a chair and a paper bag with food in it. That's it.
God. I just wish he hadn't died. All alone. 4 cops shot him. FOUR. It just breaks my heart.
The guy had a heart of Gold...even had protected people against the Nazis...(he was a part of a bunch of guys that did that to help others) I have read all the news stories on this and have seen everything that was said.
I KNOW how the media sensationalizes. They said "He may have been trying to hurt inmates....NO...he came to show them he was with them! That they should NOT be caged, and that they should not be doing this to little ones.
I know how the media is because in Portland when I was in the protests against the nazi's the media said that we "were trouble" we who arm in arm walked down the streets (Including a bunch of dancing grannies in the street that had a coordinated dance routine) we were all united despite a helicopter with a police woman bearing down on us yelling "TURN BACK" with a megaphone when 6 people who weren't with us threw stones at the police.(I knew because I asked the police later what happened- THAT was the real story...) we chanted "Don't blame the police, don't blame the story we walk down the street in a blaze of glory" and "Black Lives Matter" as we walked down the street. It was unifying, we all knew what we were doing was right... and it was beautiful. We just kept walking down the street that the organizers had legally set up to walk down that day and reached our destination...the media turned it into "they are all trouble." (for the ratings I'm sure.)
I wouldn't believe the media, or the hype. Go to the source and you find the truth. Too often what is portrayed is not the source or the truth.
But no one will ever know on this one, because Willem is dead.
That man did NOT deserve to die. 😢