Thursday, December 18, 2014

The Power Of Love: ( I am amazed how it can break the chains of even Alzheimers, if only for a moment.)

The Power Of Love
Universal Love:

This is what brought me to writing this blog because it reminded me of an amazing experience with my husbands Grandmother....she wasn't responding to anyone...

The year before my Mother in Law  passed away I found out they had no water heater, and that it had been that way for 2 or 3 years.

That was the year I decided to go and MAKE SURE she got a water heater.

You see, my father in law is a hoarder. Anything in that house gets BURIED.

I am talking like the TV show hoarder. There are barely pathways, but you better pray nothing falls in on you:p (I’m joking, but serious…:P) So I tend to stay out of his house (It also smells HORRIBLE and my asthma gets kicked off if I go in).

We  rented a car to go see them (coincidentally a P.T cruiser…strange little thing, but it was all they had.)

We went to the store and looked at Home Depot for water heaters. All the while Spike (My nickname for my huz's father) trying to haggle with the sales guy but he decided to leave and go home.

Spike  insisted on going home and looking for his 25-30 year warranty  for their old water heater. (Which was supposedly buried in some room with a million other old papers and who knows what. )

Spike kept talking to us trying to get us off the subject of the heater and talked so long that it was a couple hours before the water heater store closed. 

I finally said “I know you  keep trying to get off topic and stall so we won’t buy you one, but here’s my ultimatum…I’m giving you half an hour to find your warranty, and if you don’t find it, were going, with or without you to pick one up for you. After all, you have helped us so many times over the years; it’s about time we paid you back”. (He and his wife paid for lots of things for us when we were first married and struggling)

I saw him walk into that mountain of a room digging through a humongous pile of papers, and half an hour later I said “Ok, I’m leaving with or without you to get a heater…” and ran out the door, dragging my husband with me who is a big pushover when it comes to his parents … 

We brought that PT cruiser to the store. We walked out of the store with the water heater.

We took the water heater out to that little PT cruiser, and that heater fit.  BARELY.

If we would have had a normal car, it wouldn't have.

Thank God for small miracles.

I had wanted Spikes wife, who I was dearly fond of to at least, if anything, have hot water.

That’s the last year I saw her.

To say that the last time I saw her was sad…we laughed every time I saw a mouse crawl out of the giant pile of everything imaginable you could ever think of having in a house, and more.

That I saw a mouse sitting on top of a box of crackers when I went into the kitchen, also piled high with who knows what, who knows why…it made me grimace, but also think of the mouse (Ok, I know Templeton was a rat) in Charlotte’s web singing  “This houuuuuuse is a veritable Smörgåsbord  Smörgåsbord Smörgåsbord  (Ok I took liberties there too:p)

That next year my husband’s mother died. You never know when someone will pass. In my husband’s mothers case, we talked to her the day before and thought she was fine…she was in a Nursing home because she hurt herself, but was better and was going home the next day, and she was excited.  

A day later she was gone. 

She had been writing on a pad (she is a writer with a published book- a very good one I’ll add)

We all saw the legal pad with her writing that day. That it was her last words as a writer is POWERUFL.

On that pad is written “God is Love” Stand that others may stand” and then the pencil line goes down the page…and she was gone.

I was so grateful that I went to see her the year before; even though my parents lived there and I had to pretty much be careful, because honestly, I have NO reason to see them (Those of you who read my blog know why. (For those who don’t go read why…its in my blogs…)

My mother and father tried to attend the funeral, telling everyone they would go.

When I found out they were planning on coming  I had a full blown PTSD moment and collapsed in the hallway of our house. (We live out of state but traveled to get there)  My airways closed up till I thought I wasn't going to make it to my inhaler in the next room. I have NEVER had that happen before. Or since thank heavens. But it was terrifying.

My husband’s relatives called my parents to tell them they were not invited and to please not come. I was so grateful. 

I went there and was allowed to grieve in peace (Since then a counselor has helped me to understand that I have the power in this, not my parents.)

After the funeral my husband and I were just kind of numb.

The day afterword’s Spike decided to go visit Grandma (her Mother) and tried to be sneaky about it thinking he didn't want too many people going. But I hadn't seen her in over 10 years, so I was adamant(and very VERY angry that he had tried to go without me, there was no way in HELL I wasn't going!

 I threw on some clothes (It was morning) and determinedlywalked right though  Spike, who was trying to block the way. Thinking he would stop me he said “only the boys are going to see her”. I roared, “Spike, if I say anything right now I’m going to rip your head off!” and we went to the nursing home to see her, ALL of us.

When I walked in the nursing home, it was awful.

The place to say the least, literally took my breath away. I had to hold my breath as much as I could and try not to gag, the smell was just horrible.

This woman, who had, EVERY year insisted on having Thanksgiving dinner and Christmas dinner at her house around a HUGE table, the lady who never sat down, was ALWAYS at your side offering your more and more food till you were about ready to pop: the woman who would still be standing holding the gravy till everyone would say, usually more than once, Elmoine, SIT DOWN…EAT!


I saw a frail woman… head down at a table, not looking at anyone, and she was not responding.

I just felt this rush of love come over me towards her.

As I watched her, she didn't respond to anyone. My husband and his two brothers tried to. But she wasn't coherent.

I was standing off a ways, trying not to get in the way, though I really wanted to see her.

Finally Spike relented and let me see her last.

That’s when it happened.

I put my arm around her and suddenly she lit up, opened her one good eye, and she was totally coherent.
She looked right at me and said "Where have you been??? I love you”.

I think she felt that rush of love and I felt the same thing coming from her. And there she was.

She said “When are you coming back?” I said “soon”. She said this twice more and then

She said “I am through seeing this” and then said  “I’m through” then she put her hand over my hand and I just sat there for a while with her.

My husband said that he thought maybe I’m who she had been waiting to see before she went.

Joe’s brother said that she hadn't been coherent like that for a long time.

Not long after that Spike told her that her daughter had passed away (My huz’s mother) and she stopped eating. It was as if she just gave up.

“I am through seeing this” she said. Sometimes you have just seen enough.

But I have a feeling that there is a joyous reunion with her daughter up there.

Not to mention her husband who was well known for his generosity (he fed the homeless at their house- and the hobos in their town all filled the church house when he passed away.)

I bet she’s serving them all dinner.

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