Thursday, July 30, 2015

Sex /The LDS church/ The Boy Scouts/ And The Strange Parallel: The Mormon Clergy's (men) Interviews Alone With Women

When I was a teenager, I acted like a teenager.

 I made out a little bit, just like most kids my age.  But I was completely clueless… Pretty much about everything.

With that said, growing up in the Mormon Church, my parents really didn’t talk about sex. Most of it was pretty taboo.

Most Mormon parents I knew didn't talk at all to their kids about sex, at least that was the impression I got from people I knew. Strangely, the guys at my school sometimes took it upon themselves to educate me (One even taught me how to swear:) One particular guy would say, "Hey Heidi, so you know what this means?" and then go into gory dirty details I didn't understand. This guy even painted a fireman in ceramics class and took it upon himself to give it to me. And the fireman had a hose in his hand. I had NO clue why he gave it to me but wondered why all the guys in class were snickering... :p

Sex ed was such a problem in my area that in the little town 15 minutes from me, they called the drill team the marching mothers...for good reason.

Sex just wasn't talked about.

So...I had to be one of the most naive girls on the planet. So much so that when I was in high school and took home ec (in my senior year mind you- that's how my Mormon school was and how little we were prepared)  for sex ed in this little Mormon town, I said penes (think of pen-es) instead of the obvious male anatomy, and my best friend wouldn’t let me live it down. She still doesn’t.  Every once in a while she takes out the p card:p 

And the day I got married I had giggling fits...I had NO idea what certain things looked like if you get my drift, which led me into more giggling fits...

I was that naive.

But I am not now.

But with that said, there have been times in my life that I feel like I have had divine help, and I am grateful…

Which leads me to this story.

I had a bishop who I would go to any time I was worried, (not to mention that in the Mormon church you are assigned a Bishop that you have to go to 2 to 3 times a year, whether you want to go or not for a personal worthiness interview- you are expected to go)

One time I felt I had made out with a boy a bit too much. 

Well I got into the bishops office, he closed the door and I told him I needed to confess what I had done (making out) well, he suddenly went into such a tirade, asking me so many questions that I could barely answer them fast enough.

Suddenly he was asking all of these very personal questions. Specifics of what I and the boy had done. 

Things I had no idea what they meant, and when I asked what they meant, he repeated some very dirty things to me, in explicit detail.

Something told me that this was VERY wrong. It got to the point where I didn’t feel safe. Everything in me was screaming, “Get out of here” ….he is getting turned on and you owe him NOTHING. I told him I wouldn’t tell him anything more and I got up and left.

My whole life I've had to have the guts to get up and leave or stand up for myself and what I believe in , father friends, bishop, doesn't matter. I may have been afraid to speak my mind, but that's never stopped me... its innate...its who I am. BUT what about people who don't or haven't been taught to stand up for themselves or to question the motives, (trust the leaders no matter what mentality that sometimes is pushed on the youth..) ESPECIALLY someone who is supposed to be protecting you? As someone who is supposed to "be an intermediary between you and God"?

What would have happened if I would have stayed?

I don’t know. But I DO know there have been cases of sexual abuse before (Example: )

Now, I don’t really know, but I feel that I was protected by something bigger I was .

I was just a naïve kid.

 Which brings me to this statement and these very good points from my friend and blogger Amy:

 “Earlier this week, the Mormon Newsroom released a statement regarding the potential end to the long-standing Boy Scouts of America (BSA)-LDS Church partnership, citing the recent decision to allow openly gay men to serve in leadership positions. 

As discussions popped up across social media, individuals in favour of the split reasoned that those who are attracted to the sex of the minors should not be in isolated situations with them. Many assured me their concerns were not due to prejudice and bigotry. In fact, they would be the same if men were to oversee and be in isolated situations with young women. (Me: WTH???ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID????)

The problem with this assertion is, of course, that LDS men are frequently in isolated situations with young women and hardly anyone bats an eye.” This is something that needs to be addressed, and yet isn’t." “

I hope someday this practice of having middle aged men interviewing girls and women changes.

Until then, the abuse of women won’t stop.


  1. You have a great point. I've never felt comfortable with that set up.

    You did the right thing by leaving, something not many others have had the guts to do. These are just people, they're not gods. They're hearing about sexual sin from teenagers and adults all day long. You can't tell me that doesn't affect a person; how could it not?

    I applaud what you did. There should be a safer way for kids of that faith to air their concerns, confess if they feel the need. I don't know what that way is, but I know the wrong way when I see it. I wonder how many other women have discerned an "impure" spirit and just sat through it?

    Great post.