Friday, June 13, 2014

Why I Am Leaving The Mormon Church Despite Being A Faithful Member My Entire Life

I have always, ALWAYS gone to church, even most times when I'm sick. 

I have been faithful to the church my entire life...I've worn garments for 23 years (And was married in the Salt Lake Temple)... but...

I have already decided to skip Sundays whereas I have NEVER done that. I am now not going Sundays because of backlash from what has just happened to Kate Kelly And John Dehlin (  as people were gloating before because of the Churches Public.Relations statements,  it will be even worse now.  If John and Kate are treated this way and the church gets away with it, there will be many, MANY more who get the same treatment behind closed doors.

If this excommunication really happens to Kate, John, and Alan Rock Waterman, among many others,  I'm leaving.(Its happened to all three of them now)

This is the Proverbial last straw.

 With the P.R statements, it has given members the excuse to treat others very, VERY badly. I know as I am one who has had to bear the brunt of it in my ward. They were treating me pretty well UNTIL that P.R statement. ( )
(The link is my experience at the Priesthood action April 5th 2014 and has links and near the bottom actual things they said in public relations statements from the church)

Since then, I have heard statements like "Well why don't you just leave", someone even saying to my husband " Shes beautiful but shes trouble" WITH ME STANDING THERE! What the HELL does that have to do with ANYTHING??? 

People walking past me in the halls with their noses in the air not saying hi...

The treatment stopped for a small time as I was asked to give a solo in church (I am a singer by trade) I sang "I Stand All Amazed" (Sally De ford version with the "Who Is This Man" part attached) and the treatment stopped for a FEW weeks. Fickle, FICKLE Mormons. But it started up again...mind you I wasn't stating how I felt about things in class, even sitting through a HORRIBLE lesson on Oaks talk (One on why women didn't hold the Priesthood)  where the Stake President SAT IN for the first time EVER in our Relief Society class- a womans class- (I think to MAKE sure I didn't say anything) I finally got up 5 minutes before class ended and left after a particularly rude comment with the person staring right at me as they said it.

For an excruciating, exhausting month last year, I was told that if I did not take my Ordain Women account down, that I would have my temple recommend taken away, PERIOD by a very controlling Bishop. (The blog about that is here: I did not get angry at him, I kept my cool which was not easy under the circumstances but I had women all over the world fasting for me at the ordain women website.  I attribute the peace I felt that day I got my recommend taken away to those women. My recommend is now gone and there have been all kinds of rumors swirling around me in my ward that are untrue. I need to keep my peace of mind. God would not want this. Christ would NEVER excommunicate anyone. Christ would not strike a person from the temple, he would WELCOME them with open arms.

They think they can just take someone off Gods checklist? I don't think so. I have a very close personal relationship with God that they cannot touch, no matter what they do to me. And I don't have to be in a church that "PREACHES" free Agency but forces their members to comply to "Gods" will when it is only a man in sheep's clothing.

  We as women deserve to have peace of mind and not some closed door conversation with men about who and what we are supposed to be while going to church and have some sterile, controlling environment. We need WOMEN telling us who we are. not men. Its about time we are authentic by being true to who we are.


(I am now adding an live interview with Kate and John for anyone interested in their experience. These are salt of the earth, decent people and I love them. )


  1. I may be an unclean Anglican, but, I know that when I speak to our Minister about your viewpoint....She will agree that Jesus would welcome everyone with open arms.

  2. I am feeling this, too Heidi - so sorry to hear. I am struggling with what to do myself. Do I stay and stand as a witness of what is right? Do I leave so I can disassociate with people who are so vicious and cruel? **HUGS** to you and your family.

  3. Blog stalked you through your comment on Kylee's blog post. I wanted to come here to tell you what I said in the comments there:

    Dear Heidi, I am so sorry that people at church (and on this thread) are giving you sermons and judgment and completely unsolicited and insensitive advice during this difficult and emotional time. It is unhelpful and unkind, especially from strangers or acquaintances. I just wanted to say that your pain and experiences are valid, that you have every right to feel the way you do, and that your opinions and insights and ideas are no less valuable or valid than anyone else's. I mourn with you for the insensitivity you have to bear at church, for the lack of understanding and compassion from your priesthood leaders, for the way you feel judged and ostracized by those who should be brothers and sisters.

    The church--the body of Christ--needs you. Needs your passion, your insight, your drive to change the world. I need you. I need to know that there are Heidis in the church who chafe under the status quo, who help propel the church forward and upward, who ask difficult and uncomfortable questions that force people to look at things in a different way.

    I need to know that I'm not alone in choosing to stay despite my pain.

  4. Thank you Donna. And thank you Lindsey.You are not alone.

  5. Lindsey, I have been thinking about you (And you Donna, you know I have as I see you online and love you very much) Lindsey, I really do want you to know that you are not alone. I am still a member of the church, no matter what they do to me. I believe there is truth in all churches. I just refuse to be around oppressive people. I do not think God would want me as his daughter to be around oppressive people. People who gloat and stab me in the back. My life is so good. The only thing in my life that has been bad in this last year is church. Now that I have made this decision I feel liberated and have felt the love of God through this whole ordeal. I hope that whatever path you take that you do too.

  6. "They think they can just take someone off Gods checklist? I don't think so."

    I love that, Heidi. Might borrow it for my own use sometime.

    I enjoyed reading your post. Stay firm. You are on the side of right.

  7. Of course you can Alan, I would be honored. ( I have read your blogs and love them! ) The first time I heard something to that effect was from Lavina who was a part of the Sept. 6- Someone told me to email this national treasure and she was a lot of help through my trial with the Bishop (She said a little bit differently- something like "They think they can snap their fingers and take you out of Gods church"...I love Lavina) And if you wouldn't mind, could I add your name to my blog and if you know of any others who got letters if they are ok with it, I will add their names- you and so many good people are trying to inform the Brethren of Gods love, and people need to know whats going on. People ARE watching the Mormon church right now. Like a HAWK,

  8. And thank you Alan. :) Hang on man, you have so many supporters!!

  9. Let em have your recommend.
    The temple recommend is just a tool used to manipulate and control the members and thus to separate the "righteous" from the less righteous, falsely. The whole temple ordinance thing is based on the false doctrine in section 132 and used by the polygamists to justify their sinning. Not having one is far better then having one and even worse using it.
    There is no mention of the so-called 'ordinances' performed in the temple anywhere in the Book of Mormon which contains the "fulness of the gospel". Wonder why?

  10. I hear you for me I will never meet with a man in a room and allow them to judge me ever again. it's too much like Russian roulette you never know what kind of Bishop you are going to get...I will never put myself through this ever again.

  11. No reason you should according to Nephi:

    2 Nephi 9:41 O then, my beloved brethren, come unto the Lord, the Holy One. Remember that his paths are righteous. Behold, the way for man is narrow, but it lieth in a straight course before him, and the keeper of the gate is the Holy One of Israel; and he employeth no servant there; and there is none other way save it be by the gate; for he cannot be deceived, for the Lord God is his name.

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  13. Thank you very much! I very much appreciate that! But er....whats with the link that sais "thai porn" at the bottom? Might want to take that out...not gonna click it...hope your not trying to mess with my site? :O (that's me with big eyes goin ooooo nooooo~~~!!!)