Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Tripped.

Toys R Us is a nightmare any time of year.

(On the journey back to getting into writing about my abusive home life, heres another nice detour:p lol)

I used to be a vendor for American greetings a million years ago and Toys R Us was a place we had to service for cards. I dreaded that place but the people were great there.

The first day I was there being trained I was with 2 women who were training me and some associate had left a bike ramp right in the walkway which I DIDN'T SEE.

 I tripped over it, fell down, hit my head,. passed out, and convulsed (Which I've never done)

Next thing I know I wake up and all the employees are standing there staring at me, there’s some ambulance guy standing by me asking me questions trying to keep my attention on him. I turned my head just in time to see another guy coming at me with a needle. I said

"PLEASE! TAKE MY BLOOD! I want my boss to know I'm not a drug addict!”

Next thing I knew, they brought a gurney.  

I was paraded through the store, customers and employees alike staring at the half conscious moron who had tripped and knocked herself out.:p ( Hey…I blame the bike ramp:p)  

They brought me to the hospital, attached these electrodes to my head to monitor my brain, and I met the big boss of the area in the emergency room in a dressing gown. NICE. Ya  gotta wonder what was going through his head. Insane woman? Scammer? Brain damaged moron…I mean, there WERE wires all over my head.

As I’m meeting with him, trying to keep my backside covered some other woman partitioned off on the other side of the room started screaming in this guttural hysterical voice "I WANT AN ENIMA! GIVE ME A ENIMA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!  Later she was screaming that she wanted her cigarettes, I'm thinking they must have sedated her later so she was finally quiet. My boss must have been thinking uh…”all in a days work”? (I worked with them for another 2 years, so guess I wasn’t crazy after all…Or was I?;p)

I wrote a silly song about it. I’ve sung it with my guitar at open mics just for a laugh…(Not one of my better songs, but it got a laugh out of it) Some of you on facebook who know me from my old open mic days might remember it. One time I even forgot some of the words and I kept repeating “because I tripped” until the crowd joined in and it was one of the most memorable open mics I ever went to, I was laughing so hard.

As I went off to my new job I was feeling pretty hip.
Going to my new job which would teach me not to trip.
I learned about the business, it all was going well.
Little did I know that it would all soon go to hell.
Because I tripped. I tripped.
Went into the toys r us and fell there on my hip.
I could kill the damn associate if I only had the will. Something long thin in the isle I knew then when I tripped.

As I fell I heard the women scream, no one could break my fall.
The anguish the embarrassment, the craziness of it all.
The women tried to help my there I tried hard to get up. But everything went black at once because I'm such a klutz
because I tripped, I tripped.
Paramedics asked If I'm on drugs I told them what the %$^& ??
Because I tripped, I tripped.

So now I'm in the hospital they monitor my brain, they ask me lots of questions
taking blood from every vein
because I tripped. I tripped.

I'm wondering if they just think that I'm really insane. The first day at my new job they should really check my brain.
Because I tripped.

Well, hey…at least I got a song out of it.

No comments:

Post a Comment