Woke up at 2 or so with thoughts in my head about Jezabel, my sweet cat who died last month) I've been waking up around 2 or 3 am every morning with memories of her. I am collecting them and have started writing about her. I imagine I am ready to write her story, though I will do it slowly. They are happy memories, though I imagine writing about the end is going to be excruciating.
I've never written a poem (if that's what this is...) and not sure this is finished...but here it is.
Kevin O'Conner I'd love your thoughts on this...
Hilariously, a couple of the stanzas came about because of Game Of Thrones... (See if you can figure out which lines they are) Thank you G.O.T. for helping me write my poem,...HAHA!
Hilariously, a couple of the stanzas came about because of Game Of Thrones... (See if you can figure out which lines they are) Thank you G.O.T. for helping me write my poem,...HAHA!
Owned By A Cat
(Ode To Jezabel)
Young kittenSo soft, so sweet
Mewing and kneading
Your soft little paw in my hand
Begging for food
Kneading love
Strong cat
walking, stalking as you do
Invisible tiger in the grass
"You don’t see me"
But I do
Sitting in the sun as if you own it
Sharpening claws on trees as if you own them
Sharpening claws on me.
I
I am smitten,
Owned by a cat
Whose “eye kisses” make my day
Just a little more sweet.
The blanket is not mine
My legs are not mine
She sleeps between them
And insists on hogging the bed
Until the bed is not mine.
I am in love with a creature
Who wakes me with hairballs
Running around the house at night
Attacker of toilet paper rolls and socks
A tiny dragon slaying mice
Who pounces on spiders
And pulls birds from the sky
To lay them at my feet
small gifts of death from a queen
Surveyor of her kingdomShe who was so majestic
And hilarious
And still loved
"Help me" in her eyes
Hardly breathing, frail, and begging for relief
Her soft little paw in my hand
I will release her
Though it will haunt me all my life
(C) 2017 Heidi Vesser
Ah, blankets and hairballs! Lucy had this habit of settling down between my knees, so when I woke up unprompted at, say, 2:30 in the morning, I would be unable to move—and, unlike during the day, she was not so easily budged from her chosen spot. Both cats would occasionally wake me with hairballs—in fact, Trixie still does (though I now manage to stay just asleep enough to not be startled out of bed right away). Neither cat ever went for the toilet paper, but Lucy had three or four plush toys she would carry around from place to place—still have those…
ReplyDeleteYour cats sound sweet. And Awww...toys :) I think its hilarious when cats suddenly just go NUTS. Hairballs will never be forgotten...especially when you step in them. Cats are so funny. They just kind of...take you over. Your heart is never the same. You can't help but fall in love. Any advice or things you would change in the poem? I have been checking periodically on your poems, your 12 hour stint...man!A poem an hour! Saw that you were with the winners...doesn't surprise me at all. Your poems are epic! (seriously) I just haven't signed up for the site or I would have commented... because of you I just might one of these days...
ReplyDeleteThe "winner" part just means having completed the half-marathon. Apparently, lots of folks who sign up for either form of the marathon (half or full), end up not completing it. That's why I signed up for the half-marathon—so I could sleep (though I barely stayed awake as it was).
DeleteAs for your poem, my main suggestion would be to number (or otherwise separate) the two halves—with the split coming after either "Sharpening claws on me" (where you stop addressing her directly) or the last line of that stanza.
Also, perhaps split up parts of the last stanza for added impact. At least, I think the last couple of lines could stand alone as the final stanza. Plus, if it were me, I'd be tempted to try it without "all my life", replacing it with an ellipsis (…) instead (I do like my ellipses!). (And add quotation marks to (or italicize) "Help me".)
But I don't think I'd change anything else beyond whatever polishing you would normally do.
I have several mental disorders. I used to write a lot. I would not change anything. I'm a True Believer and grabbing your thoughts and words directly from the spontaneity of the heartbeat within you. The only word if it was mine would be replacing haunt with a sentence incorporating the word besieged.
DeleteOops, I had started out about the mental disorders because I was going to say I would write so many things and then worry about how perfect they were then, burning all of them. Really wish I never done that for anything
DeleteIf I worried about how perfect (which believe me, I do) they were so much that I deleted them no one would ever see anything I write. Seriously Shel bell...get those thoughts out there!
DeleteYou actually just brought back a funny memory. Jez would sleep between my knees, but between Joes (my huz) too. Same problem (she would complain mightily if he had to get up during the night) then, when he came back, she would be sitting in his place (whether it was day or night.) EVERY time. Joe would get this look of love on his face every time, despite what she had done, and say feigning annoyance (ok, maybe sometime he was a little annoyed but it was cute how he would treat her. He'd say "heeeeeey..thats my spot.. and she would look at him like "NO...you left...its my spot now. Deal with it." lol
ReplyDeleteSo beautiful.
DeleteThanks Shel... :)
DeleteThanks for your advice Kevin..❤️. I'lllook at it again Monday ...
ReplyDeleteOh one other thought Kevin..."And she slays dragons that are mice" or "she thinks shes a dragon who slays mice" I wonder which sounds better? Anybody have thoughts on that one?
ReplyDeleteOn a funny and kind of sweet note....Jez used to always wake me up around 2 or 3 am to try to get me to feed her. Its 3:30 am. This time when I woke up something told me to name this poem "Ode To A Cat" (I named it Ode To My Cat- but I may change ti back to "Ode To A Cat" which sounds better?
Lucy used to get me up anywhere between 2:30 and 4:30. It got to the point that when I noticed her starting to stir (whether she got up right away or not), I knew I would have to get up soon. Otherwise, she would sit and stare at me until I did.
ReplyDeleteHow about "slaying dragons (that are mice)"?
You and I are on the same wavelength...I did change it...but a little different this time "I am in love with a creature
ReplyDeleteWho wakes me with hairballs
Running around the house at night
Attacker of toilet paper rolls and socks
"A small dragon that slays mice
Who pulls birds from the sky
To lay them at my feet" Or would it be better to keep it shorter like I had it before...hmmmmm
I love the part about her pulling birds from the sky.
DeleteShe was quite the little hunter in her youth... she would bring them ALIVE into the house.THAT was CRAZY :P
DeleteAnd Lucy sounds like she was a character...
ReplyDeleteAnyways, thanks for your thoughts...I've always considered you quite the amazing wordsmith! :) Any other thoughts let me know...
ReplyDelete