Saturday, November 7, 2015

Remember, Remember! The Fifth Of November,The L.D.S Treason And Plot; (the new rules on treatment of gay parents and their children ) And My Resignation From The Mormon Church.

Remember, remember!
    The fifth of November,
    The L.D.S treason and plot;
    I know of no reason
    Why the L.D.S.  treason
    Should ever be forgot!

(Thank you Revo for bringing up the point that it happened on November 5th)

November 5th 2015 the L.D.S. church issued a new statement for their bishops (etc) in their L.D.S. handbook.

Children of a Parent Living in a Same-Gender Relationship

A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may not receive a name and a blessing. A natural or adopted child of a parent living in a same-gender relationship, whether the couple is married or cohabiting, may be  baptized and confirmed, ordained, or recommended for missionary service only as follows: A mission president or a stake president may request approval from the Office of the First Presidency to baptize and confirm, ordain, or recommend missionary service for a child of a parent who has lived or is living in a same-gender relationship when he is satisfied by personal interviews that both of the following requirements are met:

1. The child accepts and is committed to live the teachings and doctrine of the Church, and specifically disavows the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage.

2. The child is of legal age and does not live with a parent who has lived or currently lives in a same-gender cohabitation relationship

I really think what Paul Toscano sais here relates“LDS leaders' latest attack on same-sex couples & their children denies Christ's Atonement and echoes the hatred of the Nazi Nuremberg laws.”

This announcement of the church I'm afraid, will give others fuel on the fire to treat anyone who is gay and their children with even more venom than before.

I was treated horribly just for being a part of Ordain Women and this has triggered me, so much so that I have had trouble functioning for the last couple of days. It brings back too many memories of alienation and that “if you can’t conform, leave” mentality I dealt with those two years ago. I am being triggered, PTSD episodes are haunting me as we speak… but this is nothing.

I can't even imagine some of the treatment that children will endure from their peers (not to mention adults) because of the churches latest statement.

The same thing happened before with Ordain Women the minute there was an announcement. Suddenly, people who were kind, turned cruel. (that is here:

But I didn’t have to deal with it my entire life.

 They will.

I guarantee that it is happening right now.

This statement will hurt, and I dare say kill some of the world’s most sensitive souls.
(During my ordeal with the church there were times that I even felt suicidal because of the treatment, even though I told no one-not even my husband. This brings back so many bad feelings, mostly now disgust because there is so much more to life than this and believing that another soul has the right to judge you. (yes, YES, I know that they say its supposed to be God judging you, but I'll leave that to the REAL God, not the Mormon God. I am afraid that their God is just a man in sheep's clothing) I am freer and happier than I ever was in that bigoted church, but I am heartbroken for so many right now.) 

I am terrified that some will not be able to bear it. The blood is on the churches hands, and it just breaks my heart.

I have heard so many excuses over the last few days from Mormon people on the treatment of gay parents and their children.

The more I hear about it the more I think there are people in that church who have Stockholm Syndrome. ...they will make any excuse... even with all the abuses of this bigoted church to so many people to excuse the behavior. It makes me sad.

That is what happens when a church or a person controls every tiny little aspect of your life.

This comes on the heels of the Supreme Court’s ruling for same sex marriage.

Who do they think they are? Children who don't like the ruling in the Supreme Court so they throw a temper tantrum? What about the churches stance of following the laws of the land? I'm sorry, they don't speak for God.

This is flat out bigotry.

I read Steve Bloor's blog the other day who had a guest blogger Joseph A Hollenbaugh.

I am going to add it here because I think he hits the nail on the head:

"The Church itself holds the ultimate power of determining who may, and who may not, obtain the most important of God’s gifts and rewards. 

For believers, there can be no greater desire than to maintain “good standing” within the Church, which is tantamount to acceptance by God himself. To lose one’s place in the faith (or never to gain it) is to lose one’s place with God. It is the ultimate rejection, the ultimate failure, and the ultimate loss. Is it any surprise that Church leaders exercise that power fervently and jealously? And this late move against same-sex couples is simply that; a raw exercise of power.
You might say that is obvious, but to what end? Why this? But power needs no motive; it is its own motive. Yet the power to punish innocent children, or withhold “blessings” from them, seems entirely gratuitous on the surface. This policy, however, is not about punishing children. It is about exploiting children. Yes, exploiting. As in, using children as a means to an end. As in, using children as leverage to control the parents, and extended families, and the courts of the Intermountain West of the United States.
The use of Church affiliation as a means of control and coercion by Church leaders is nothing new, but the recent policy is a calculated and ingenious mutation of the practice. The Church has long used political and economic power to control its environment and membership. Yet political and economic power are trivial compared to the power over eternal reward or punishment for individuals and their families. The new policy brings all of these powers to bear and makes children the pawns in a devilishly intricate chess match."
See the whole blog here:  And to add to insult, at 18  the child of a gay parent has to denounce their parents gay lifestyle and not live with them in order to go on a mission.

Since I left the church almost 2 years ago I have wanted to resign, but have heard horror stories about people being harassed and sent more letters even though they resigned. I didn’t want that. But I just heard about a lawyer (God bless his soul) who is sending the L.D.S church resignation letters for free (you have to send a letter to them for your records to be gone) and he represents you so they can’t harass you.

So now, finally, even though I  thought it was too big of a hassle before, I am finally getting this monkey off my back.

I hate that this is right but someone posted somewhere that Mormon Church is like Hotel California..."You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

I will say this...I may be out, and happily so, but I will NEVER stop speaking out against the bigotry and misogyny that I see too often used in "the name of God.” against my brothers and sisters. I am just so furious about this.

So…I just sent my information to the lawyer who is helping those for free who would like to resign from the Mormon Church.

I haven't considered myself Mormon for almost 2 years. This will make it official.

I see so many people hurting today... it's ripping my heart out.

I am so glad that people are outraged. And they should be. It will not get shoved under the rug.

I hope the gay community feels how much love so many of us have for them and for their children.

I just wish we could all reach out and collectively give them a hug. To anyone that is know that we are. You are not alone and we are with you.

Remember the picture online of Christians holding hands in a circle protecting Muslims in Egypt as they prayed in a show of solidarity?

Well I feel that circle right now around the Gay community and it is coming from all over the world.

Love, in the end will always win.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

My Face Off With Death (My Near Death Experience : Chicken Soup For The Soul Submission)

I loved to dance when I was a teenager.
In the middle of winter my best friend Jennie and I would slide down the street in what we called our “slidey shoes,” whipping down the side roads covered in ice. She launched me down the road like a racehorse, both of us giggling. I pushed her too and we played “crack the whip,” kind of like you do in roller skating… all the way down the long road to go dancing.
We would end up falling flat on our backs on the road laughing.
What a memory.
We slid into the parking lot of the Galleria, a dance place for teens. No matter the weather, or what my day was like, I could let off steam and dance. And every year they had an all-night party there into the wee hours of the morning.
Jenn and I were always the last to leave. We were there till 7 am.
We were going home, and as an afterthought, I asked my friend if she was going to take the self defense class that the high school was teaching that week…after all, you never knew who you would encounter dancing. I had taken the class the day before, and I felt empowered! She said no, but that she would.
After that memory, there’s nothing happy about it. Not that day.
I came home from dancing that morning after the all night to morning party and tried to sneak Spaghetti out of the fridge.
I would try to be quiet about getting food from the kitchen without my father finding out.

With my father’s room right by the kitchen that was hard to do.

My father:  Incredibly abusive when I lived with them to when I left. He knew nothing of love, (thanks to his abusive father- I think that's where he learned to be such a bastard,) egging on even my sisters to abuse me even while he was beating me.  He controlled everyone and everything around him.

That is my father.

He would do his best to catch me eating: From 10 to noon we weren’t allowed to eat. After 10 pm we weren’t allowed to eat either. Any excuse to beat me to a pulp if I ate at any forbidden times.
I opened my bedroom door (that was also next to his) and closed the door as quickly as I could sneaking quietly, (or so I thought)  through the small corridor to the kitchen. I was starving. I couldn't stand my stomach growling anymore.

At 10:30 am, just as I was looking into the refrigerator door, he grabbed me.
He attacked me, hitting hard.
Years of beatings culminating in one moment, and that empowering self-defense class…I thought I could finally fight back.
For the first time in my life, I really fought back for all I was worth.
That took a lot of guts for me.
I realize now how sad that is, that I felt that way. That I almost died for eating that day is laughable. It doesn’t make any sense. But in my parent’s house, nothing made sense.
The norm was, when he attacked me, I would go completely limp. Like a prize fighter who knows he’s lost the fight, all the light going out of my eyes.
One shuddering sigh, and I gave up.
Cowing, I tried to protect my face, and swatted weakly at my father.
Enraged, he suddenly had his hands around my throat.
I looked up into the face of a mad man. It didn’t even look like him to me; this red faced, spitting monster with his hands so tight around my throat.

It felt like he wanted to will me out of existence with his bare hands.
Suddenly everything went black. I stopped struggling because it didn’t hurt anymore.
I didn’t feel his hands around my neck. I didn’t have to struggle to breathe anymore. And strangely, I felt peace. I have never felt anything like it in this life.
I could hear everything going on around me. And I could hear my mother yelling “you killed her”!!!
There was screaming chaos all around me, but in that moment, I felt at peace.
One of my sisters told me my face turned blue.
I couldn’t move. Weird, maybe I wasn’t breathing. Strangely I thought “huh…. I’m not breathing. It doesn’t hurt anymore”.
I only saw blackness, but in that blackness a clear, indescribable love. Pure, unadulterated love just flowed through me. It told me everything would be ok, that even though I stopped breathing, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was love.
Everything that I felt in that moment towards my father, hate, anger, fear: gone.
People who have had near death experiences say that they felt love and weren’t worried.
I didn’t feel worried.
Once, I heard of one woman in a car accident who lost a young daughter and she felt love. As she walked down a corridor with her little one, that little one kept walking to the end of the corridor without her and she knew it was ok to let her daughter go. She knew her daughter would be ok because she felt that love. She felt that peace and she let her daughter go.
That is exactly how I felt.  I knew I would be ok. I felt that love. I was enveloped in it. I knew it. It was familiar. Nothing else mattered. I felt cradled in it. I let go.
The only way I can describe it is being “Held by God”… I felt held by love.
People talk about that darkness before they go through the tunnel.
I think I didn’t go “far enough down the rabbit hole” to see that tunnel.
Suddenly I gasped…
I’m back! I thought.
That God held my life in his hands and didn't end it speaks volumes to me and to this day, I remember.
God chose not to end it.
My life had only just begun.
Years later when our teenage daughter tested me my husband said that maybe one of the reasons I didn't die could be so I would learn the lesson my father never did.
You can't control other people.
There were many lessons in my life, but the one that sticks with me is this: my young daughter flying down a ski slope getting closer and closer to the edge of a cliff; I fly as fast as my mommy skis can towards the safer side (near the cliff but making it so she can't get too close to that cliff) to reel her in to safety, but to still give her wings so she can fly down those slopes.
My daughter, who is always unafraid when she skis.
Now that she's older, I want to give her wings, not take them away. I may not be perfect at it, and I have made my fair share of mistakes, but when I see her fly, I am so proud.
These days, I eat whenever I'm hungry. I will never allow a child (or friend) to go hungry in my house (in fact anything is fair game- you hungry? If you’re at my house, you can eat it.)
I am a writer working on my biography about my life to help others who have been through abuse like I have to know that they are not alone. And I am a Nia instructor (Martial arts, healing arts (yoga) and dance. Yes, I still dance.
God brought me full circle. Nothing can stop me from dancing. I have found out…
I can fly too.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The Haunted Standrod House: Don't Go There. (I Did)

Video we took of the Standrod house years back...

Since I have been a child I have known to have "feelings" about places. Now, this could all be in my head, but I have learned to follow promptings and feelings.

 Years back  I had a feeling not to go with a friend somewhere, and three hours later I got a call telling me my friend had been in an accident. A big grain truck had hit the passenger side.

I was grateful I listened to that feeling. I don't know if I would be here if I hadn't listened.

I have learned to listen to any feelings I have about things like this, CLOSELY.

There are things I won't even go into here, where I have known I am protected because of what I have seen in my life.

I have to wonder if my near death experience opened up something to me in some way, I don't know...but life, and death are a funny thing. Nobody comes back once on the other side.(well, usually ;p)

Guess I'll just take a wait n see approach. ;p

Which brings me to this...

The Standrod house...

When I went there I have a feeling  something bad happened here…how a house feels depending on who lived in it many times stays.

That has been my impression.

The house I grew up in has that same feeling.

I am hyper sensitive to people and especially places where bad things have happened.

I think its because of the home I grew up in. The feeling of being in a place where "everything is not right" is familiar to me, as for the first 16 years of my life I was in an incredibly abusive home and almost died.

Its just natural that I feel the vibe when I am in a home where things have gone wrong.

Years back, before we got married my soon to be husband and I were looking for a place to have our reception before we got married, and we checked out a place called the Standrod House.

The minute I walked into that place I felt something very, VERY wrong there.

They had a picture of the old family there and I could not help but gravitate towards it.

 I took a long hard look at it, and saw a teenage girl and the father of the family, those were the two that really struck me for some reason, and I actually felt physically sick.

I told Joe "There's a really bad feeling in that place."
 There is NO WAY the reception would be there.

I had such a horrible feeling that something really REALLY bad had happened there.

He said "Heidi, I can't tell you here, but I'll tell you after we're out of here" so I  had the tour of the house, but I had this sickening feeling all through the house. I just wanted to get out of there.

When we left, Joe (Who had lived in Pocatello for years before I did) said "Heidi, the teenage girl you were looking at was going out with a boy that her father didn't approve of. That boy disappeared and they never found him. The girl went up to her room, wouldn't leave and got very sick over time. She died."

The feeling in that house is VERY familiar to me. I think because those feelings tell me she dealt with abuse, and I dealt with abuse- ( so much so that I almost didn’t make it out of my fathers house alive.)  The feeling in that house is familiar to me. And not in a good way. But I KNOW the feeling of an abusive house as a child, and it felt the same. I think she was beaten, or who knows what else. I tend to trust my gut, especially when I get that same feeling that I had when I lived in that awful house in my youth.

I actually had a prayer with Joe for that girl, that she was at peace. I felt so sad for her and kept crying. I couldn’t explain it to my fiance but I think he understood.

Years later we went back to Pocatello and happened to go past the neighborhood and we went there... again. The doors were locked, but when we went up on the wrap around porch the wind picked up suddenly and whipped through my hair…it set the chimes off on the porch…it was just CREEPY.

Sometimes there's nothing you can do but hope that whoever lived in a house like that is at peace.

 I hope she is.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Sex /The LDS church/ The Boy Scouts/ And The Strange Parallel: The Mormon Clergy's (men) Interviews Alone With Women

When I was a teenager, I acted like a teenager.

 I made out a little bit, just like most kids my age.  But I was completely clueless… Pretty much about everything.

With that said, growing up in the Mormon Church, my parents really didn’t talk about sex. Most of it was pretty taboo.

Most Mormon parents I knew didn't talk at all to their kids about sex, at least that was the impression I got from people I knew. Strangely, the guys at my school sometimes took it upon themselves to educate me (One even taught me how to swear:) One particular guy would say, "Hey Heidi, so you know what this means?" and then go into gory dirty details I didn't understand. This guy even painted a fireman in ceramics class and took it upon himself to give it to me. And the fireman had a hose in his hand. I had NO clue why he gave it to me but wondered why all the guys in class were snickering... :p

Sex ed was such a problem in my area that in the little town 15 minutes from me, they called the drill team the marching mothers...for good reason.

Sex just wasn't talked about.

So...I had to be one of the most naive girls on the planet. So much so that when I was in high school and took home ec (in my senior year mind you- that's how my Mormon school was and how little we were prepared)  for sex ed in this little Mormon town, I said penes (think of pen-es) instead of the obvious male anatomy, and my best friend wouldn’t let me live it down. She still doesn’t.  Every once in a while she takes out the p card:p 

And the day I got married I had giggling fits...I had NO idea what certain things looked like if you get my drift, which led me into more giggling fits...

I was that naive.

But I am not now.

But with that said, there have been times in my life that I feel like I have had divine help, and I am grateful…

Which leads me to this story.

I had a bishop who I would go to any time I was worried, (not to mention that in the Mormon church you are assigned a Bishop that you have to go to 2 to 3 times a year, whether you want to go or not for a personal worthiness interview- you are expected to go)

One time I felt I had made out with a boy a bit too much. 

Well I got into the bishops office, he closed the door and I told him I needed to confess what I had done (making out) well, he suddenly went into such a tirade, asking me so many questions that I could barely answer them fast enough.

Suddenly he was asking all of these very personal questions. Specifics of what I and the boy had done. 

Things I had no idea what they meant, and when I asked what they meant, he repeated some very dirty things to me, in explicit detail.

Something told me that this was VERY wrong. It got to the point where I didn’t feel safe. Everything in me was screaming, “Get out of here” ….he is getting turned on and you owe him NOTHING. I told him I wouldn’t tell him anything more and I got up and left.

My whole life I've had to have the guts to get up and leave or stand up for myself and what I believe in , father friends, bishop, doesn't matter. I may have been afraid to speak my mind, but that's never stopped me... its innate...its who I am. BUT what about people who don't or haven't been taught to stand up for themselves or to question the motives, (trust the leaders no matter what mentality that sometimes is pushed on the youth..) ESPECIALLY someone who is supposed to be protecting you? As someone who is supposed to "be an intermediary between you and God"?

What would have happened if I would have stayed?

I don’t know. But I DO know there have been cases of sexual abuse before (Example: )

Now, I don’t really know, but I feel that I was protected by something bigger I was .

I was just a naïve kid.

 Which brings me to this statement and these very good points from my friend and blogger Amy:

 “Earlier this week, the Mormon Newsroom released a statement regarding the potential end to the long-standing Boy Scouts of America (BSA)-LDS Church partnership, citing the recent decision to allow openly gay men to serve in leadership positions. 

As discussions popped up across social media, individuals in favour of the split reasoned that those who are attracted to the sex of the minors should not be in isolated situations with them. Many assured me their concerns were not due to prejudice and bigotry. In fact, they would be the same if men were to oversee and be in isolated situations with young women. (Me: WTH???ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID????)

The problem with this assertion is, of course, that LDS men are frequently in isolated situations with young women and hardly anyone bats an eye.” This is something that needs to be addressed, and yet isn’t." “

I hope someday this practice of having middle aged men interviewing girls and women changes.

Until then, the abuse of women won’t stop.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

The Sexualization Of Women: Crossing The Line

Being an excitable a little girl wanting to learn new things, I ended taking swimming lessons. 

One week there was a parents week, and every child could show what they learned swimming.

All the excitement ended when the instructor shoved my head underwater trying to force me to swim…and then he brought me up for air. It was terrifying. It took me many more years till I felt comfortable in the water.

But this isn’t about that.

Yet here is one thing that I felt comfortable with.

On parent’s week, my parents must have left the locker room where I as a very small girl was getting dressed.

They came out to the swimming area to parents gathered around a small child.

A very small naked child.

It was me, sans clothing.

I was NAKED.

I think it was the first time I realized it is not ok to be naked,so the adults said, as in my baby book it looks like I loved stripping. :p

Once being  little I even went to church without any underwear. I  probably went along stripping everything off and my mother must have caught me halfway dressed before going to church.

But she missed a spot: p

Which leads me to one thought.

When do we, as children, see that boys and girls “have” to dress differently? We see little kids stomping around naked all the time. They can’t WAIT to get their clothes off.  

For kids it’s completely natural. 

And yet we get upset at little girls and tell them to go back in the house and get dressed while the boys run around half naked (if not completely.) Who made these rules?

A society that shames women.

A society that teaches women to be ashamed of their bodies, whatever the size…

So, when do girl’s bodies start to be sexualized and why are they shamed about their bodies? Why can boys AND men run around without a shirt on completely topless with their junk hanging out? (Doesn’t matter what they weigh either)

Why do too many judge women for being comfortable in less clothes? Just because a woman wants to feel comfortable in what she wears ( A bikini, clothes, whatever) and a guy who is wearing a speedo or shorts... who gets sexualized?

The woman!

I think we’ve been conditioned for too many years to be this way.

Hell, in Europe, women DO go topless. Here is my question… Why can men be comfortable, but women aren’t allowed? 

When do women start being sexualized and shamed about their bodies? Practically from the womb…

I don’t know if it’s worse in America, or not…but I have to wonder about it. What is the DEAL? (I would LOVE hearing about that in the comments below as I haven’t been overseas yet) 

Not long ago I saw a picture of a friend where everyone round in circles that got smaller and smaller…I looked at that picture for a second…ALL of them were completely naked. The only thing I could think was WOW…the FREEDOM in that picture…no one was ogling…everyone just looked comfortable with themselves. Everything in life does NOT need to be sexual. Everyone looked like they were just comfortable in their own skin. And I thought WOW, to be like that!

To illustrate my point on how women are treated, I give you this:

Last weekend I went to a park as a friend I consider a very gifted piano player had invited me to sing at a music in the park gig he had with his piano.

He had invited some friends, and we were all hanging around outside. One guy I didn’t know was playing a drum with some drumsticks sitting on a bench behind me.

It was hot as Hades outside, and I wore what I was comfortable in. ( A blue miniskirt with pants underneath- it was so hot I had considered not wearing pants with it, but I rolled up the pants into shorts, and had a halter top on…not that it matters… it doesn’t. )

Well that random drummer guy who I had just met (A complete stranger) stuck a drumstick from the drum he  played literally up my skirt when I wasn't looking. I was enraged…but at first I just cracked a joke (after all isn’t that what women are taught to do? Make men feel comfortable even when we are NOT? ) I was standing in front of an upright piano singing and my back was turned...(later on I found out the guy next to him had been egging him on saying "get it on" and this lady kept telling him to stop- he actually did it 3 times! He must have been doing it in a why that I couldn't feel it... maybe under my skirt but in the air at first and then got brazen enough to pull what he did)  I consider what he did assault... I thought “HELL NO” This is NOT OK!  I was singing and I turned around and ripped him a new one. I said “Don’t you fucking touch me." That is NOT ok. 

Then he tried to make excuses…and said” lets just play music” Like what he did hadn’t even happened.

 I said “NOT AFTER WHAT YOU JUST DID! No more mansplaining…. and there is no excuse whatsoever for what you just did”. I am not putting up with it”. 

Then he tried to explain it away even more saying:

“It could have been a dick.” 

Ok, I was LIVID now. 

I said “just because a woman is comfortable with her own body and wears what she is comfortable in, just like you can run around without a shirt, I should be able to be comfortable without being assaulted. 

You see how messed up this is??? 

I wish I would have said “guess what? Your hands that are on that stick, or on your “junk”??  YOU are the one who has control of it, and if you chose to “do” anything with it YOU are the one responsible. Not me.

Anyway, he finally just left…

Afterword’s someone (one of the ladies there) told me that the guy was putting out the drumstick pretending to catch my scarf that was dangling but where my scarf is and my skirt is are very definitive thank you ( I still can't believe she excused him... it's sad when women make excuses for men because it just enables them to continue harassing women and therefore lets the guy off- this is exactly my point: 

Here is where the HUGE problem is…women either pull together- and when they do, it is an amazing thing to see- or they  can turn into a mob, excusing and letting men get away with murder…this mentality of letting men off for whatever despicable behavior needs to STOP.)

Those that really know me, can probably figure out how and why I responded the way I did..

It doesn't matter to me what other people think... I don't wear things that make me feel comfortable for other people... I wear it for me because it feels good  (since I was Mormon and have covered up for most of my adult life- for the first time ever I have been able to feel the sun on my shoulders!)  I am wearing what makes me feel comfortable... I'm learning to become comfortable with my body despite what the Mormon churches bigoted idea of women has been.  And nothing pisses me off more than people acting as if I dress for them and not myself...( men have actually said things to me as if I was made to dress for them- There is nothing more arrogant than any male who thinks the ultimate reason I am wearing something pretty is for them. It makes me want to tell them off.)

So…men take note...just because a woman is comfortable in their own body just like you are without a top on a hot day (Or whatever you wear, or don't) don't automatically assume (which makes and ass out of you and me:p) that they are "easy".  If a woman wears a sun dress that has a bit of a lower back it doesn't mean they want to be touched by a man... on their arms, back or anywhere at all if you are behind them. WHY do some of you automatically think its ok???

This has happened numerous times, and it annoys the hell out of me. I don't like it. This happens where I work out in the pool at the gym too. WTH??? Its not ok. I OWN MY BODY, NOT you. 

There are times it feels like some men act like they own women’s bodies to do with what they like, and this is NOT ok.

There is a guy I know  that does it in front of their wife, even where he stands in a way that his wife can't see him do it where it’s even worse. This has been happening off and on and I've had enough. I may not haul off and hit him, but he is going to get a piece of my mind if he doesn’t stop, and I may not be polite next time. I do NOT like being touched. (By men anyway who aren’t my husband... women I'm cool with.) (By the way this older gentleman touched me and then while I was in my dress hanging out with the ladies in a room is well liked there)

I have a friend who had this to say about how women are treated:

"It's only some men, and yes, they touch you on your skin and that's so inappropriate!!! Its so creepy!! A guy that's trying to flirt with me will be very delicate about it and I may have signaled that I'm flirting, and that's welcomed. But when I'm just present, talking, not flirting, don't fucking touch my skin! It's molesting feeling. Most men aren't given any signals anyway that they can touch me, anywhere.”

The thing that bugs me the most is that I feel like I need to be polite about touching (There’s that making men feel comfortable despite my discomfort thing again that women are so good at. Ug!)   but I don't want to alienate any of the women I know where I frequent (most of them are older ladies where I am are all pretty old school- .which means some are the type to pretend there is no problem- which ADDS to the problem- (there is a guy at this place I frequent that sits in a certain area and stares at me- till I move out of eye shot of ...he looks women up and down...not just at me, but at the other ladies too- I call him on it and he finally stopped-(its just creepy)

I heard that the ladies I know there  talked about it at some breakfast and they had decided that it really wasn't a I stood up for them for nothing....though I would still do it again, especially since he stopped doing it. Why is it too often that women don't stand up for each other?) 

Now that I have been thinking about it, I’ve been looking into different things and I am thinking I need to stand up for myself, but I wonder…as a child, having to always defend myself, did I feel everyone was out to get me? Is this what’s happening now in some ways? Why do I even have to question myself about it? (YAY, being a woman is so confusing sometimes:p)

In life now, do I need to keep up a wall, or can I take it down? I don’t know.

(My husband and I were talking- here’s what thoughts came out of that below)

A few days later, I was recounting the experience of the guy sticking that drumstick where the sun don’t shine with a friend at the Gym and her husband sat in a chair close to her as I was recounting the story…. His wife said "well, men just can’t control themselves."

Oh boy.

Now what if they had a son and daughter and they had been standing there with them?

What lesson would they have learned? The boy would have learned that “it’s ok to act like an imbecile”.
 “Men will be Men” also equates to “Boys will be Boys”... And what boy wouldn’t want to hear  “Hey do what you want, stick that thing where you want, take what you want, because you just can’t control yourself, and no one will blame you, cause it’s just in your nature, because, hey, you’re a Man!!!???”

And what of the daughter standing by? What lesson did she just take in? “Hey, don’t get mad when he puts his stick up your dress, because he just can’t control himself.” It’s bad enough as a child, and when she grows to be woman, and someone does it to her, or worse.

 “Oh, it’s ok, because, Hey, he’s a Man!!! And they just can’t control themselves”. “Oh, don’t tell on him, because it’s my fault, I was asking for it, because, hey, he’s a man.”

When that daughter is a mother, what do you think she will teach her children? And when she is a grandmother? What does she tell her grandchildren? But don’t worry; she is probably just reinforcing what their mother is teaching them, what she herself taught their mother…

Do you get it? It’s perpetual, and reinforcing.

So, what are you teaching your children? Who are you excusing?

I think there is a word for this, it’s called enabling.

But it all comes down to this… What are YOU teaching your children? Your Sons AND Daughters?

So in FIN, you have to ask yourself this question, what perpetual lessons are you leaving for MANkind? (hmm.. I mean humankind), what is your Legacy? 
Choose the lesson WELL. Tomorrows generation of women may suffer because of it…or not.

Its all up to you.

The BEST Ted talk I have ever heard on men standing up against violence. ABSOLUTELY worth watching Because its a MEN'S issue, not a woman's issue

The BEST Ted talk I have ever heard on men standing up against violence. ABSOLUTELY worth watching Because its a MEN'S issue, not a woman's issue (Typically, yes. There is a VERY small portion where is is the other way around)

I have been working on a blog that needs addressing, this one is taking a while as it is VERY important to me to get this out right, but for now, this will suffice...