Asshole (disguised as a nice guy)

I have dealt with some interesting things in my life. 

I have also gotten to know some interesting ladies at a pool at the YMCA as I work out there almost ever day..  I have loved hearing their stories.

Because they are older than I am, I have learned some good lessons from them and they have some amazing advice.

A couple of them have felt a bit like surrogate mamas to me.

Others I have learned not to talk to.  

Some too late.

I have learned who to trust, and who to not trust. (I hope)

They have gathered around me when I was hurting when my father died and just held me. (the story about my father is coming later- just taking a while to gather all my feelings together)

I got so confused and angry that I didn’t have a real father, and my emotions threw me into a real black hole I wasn’t sure I could get out of.  At times I just felt frozen.

They were there.

But so is Jim (Name changed)

Jim is well liked at the pool.

Hes always cracking jokes and people think he’s hilarious, and just a nice guy.

I’m not so sure.

From the beginning, he talked to me like you talk to a puppy.

I am not a puppy. It got really annoying. It was almost an annoying baby talk kind of thing.

In the summertime when it’s hot out, I like wearing halter top dresses that are long and flowing…it keeps the air flow going if you get my drift and I don’t get so hot.

When his wife was in chatting with the ladies in a room at the gym and I was in the doorway he came up behind me where she couldn’t see and touched me on a bare shoulder…it gave me the heebie jeebies.

He would get closer and closer to me at the pool and then touch me again, and again, and again.

I finally said something to him right in front of his wife.

I said that I didn’t like to be touched by anyone else other than my husband and to please stop.

That brought on a reaction that is too familiar to me.

Once I tell some guys to stop touching (I have had to do it too often... aggravatingly enough) many times after I do they turn into a flaming ass..

Because I talk to people and am friendly, some men in my experience assume  that it is ok to touch me. Do women do this to men?

Not in my experience.

After I tell them that, these guys  get MEAN. 

Which is what Jim has done…bothering me about doing this and that…

He started doing this really strange thing when I came into the pool…

He would suddenly get closer to me and yell “HI HEIDI” so everyone could hear. It was just bizarre.

The crowning jewel was a day or two ago when I was walking the pool with weights.

I have a back injury and was with a lady friend I go skiing with.

All of a sudden, a pool basketball is rammed up against my back, I am hit with water, and he is right behind me holding the ball on my back talking loud to me, excruciatingly close.

I am furious, and angry that he is not only pushing a boundary that I have made, but he is being a bully.

I say Jim, I don’t splash you… and get that ball off me!

He didn’t so I yelled

I mean it…STOP IT NOW!

And then I say to a lady who I really like there who sees the whole thing, "now YOU can splash me, but I’ll dunk ya!" (Deflecting the attention away from him, as it seems to be all about attention with Jim)

This whole time his wife is turned the other direction and somehow hasn’t seen a thing.

I am thinking…you bastard…you are crossing a serious line here. I decide who touches my body, not you. 

It’s MINE.

I’m still furious.

And I wonder if he’s a predator.

His wife is the sweetest woman.

And I have seen and heard from others how he controls her and it rips my heart out to think that this decent, sweet woman is being manipulated, when I see how strong she is.

When I did my One Billion Flash Mob Dance practice the one and only time in the pool this year she did it with me which was heartwarming (The blog on OBR should be below)

I talked to him the next day about the basketball he pushed against my back.

I didn’t want to embarrass him in front of his wife so I asked him if I could take him aside. He said really loud "anything you say to me you can say to my wife".

I said so you remember the other day when you pushed the ball against my back?

He said No

(There are two people who saw him do it)

I said, don’t ever do that again. I mean it. I know you like to be a funny guy but you are starting to feel like a bully to me, so just stop. I mean it.

He said ok, I know you mean it.

He better. (GAH)