Jennie

Jennie

Life has a way of sending you someone just when you need them.

To be honest I’m not really sure that its life, it’s just Karma, or in my mind, God.

I think God knew I couldn’t make it any longer without someone to be my confidant. I was growing smaller and smaller and he knew without someone to finally have my back, I would just disappear.

I had taken a leap of faith and left my old “friends”.

The  “friends” that called me ugly, that mercilessly harassed each other, the rejects of sorts (and their queen..haha)  with our frizzy hair, downcast eyes and defeated look which said “kick me, I’m down anyway” kind of look.

Betcha every one of us was abused in some way.

The minute the “Queen bee” of the group (  The rhpsm as she came to be known-  red haired pear shaped monstrosity) decided to annihilate you…you  were toast . I was sick of being scared all the time.  The fact that this girl tortured all of us and nobody did ANYTHING about it was taking what little self-esteem I had left, which wasn’t much. (If your lost, check around for my old blog on it below) http://songsofaletheia.blogspot.com/2011/04/better-to-be-alone-then-in-bad.html )

The truth is, in life, or in school, sooner or later the tortured either give up, or finally (thank God) stand up for themselves.  It’s a dog eat dog world out there.  (Anybody see Carrie?, Or Cujo?lol)

In high school If you’re not one of the “chosen” In that unforgiving world of Jocks and princesses it’s that proverbial "LAST STRAW" that FINALLY makes you stand up and say "HEY! You can't make me EVER back down again!" I AM somebody. YOU can't tell me who I am.

If you are one of the tortured, I DARE you to FIGHT. Stand up for yourself. Later on you’ll be surprised how strong you really were. It’s a beautiful thing, the human spirit. How resiliant it is.

There is nothing deadlier to a teenage girl’s self-esteem than bad friends. You hear online about it all the time. The kids that act like a girls “friend” and then plot against her online, offline and terrorize her until there’s nothing left but an empty shell.  Sometimes those girls are the ones that just quietly disappear into the shadows, sometimes they commit suicide, sometimes, thank God, they move on and their lives change.

I was about to move on.

I remember the day I actually finally got the guts up to tell them I wouldn’t be hanging around them anymore. I took a deep breath, just told them quickly, and as they laughed at me, determined I set off on my own.

I walked around the school by myself for months, dejected because I couldn’t find a place where I felt I really fit in.

Life for me was pretty hard.

 Having a bad family on top of it made me feel all the more timid around people who were made of the same cloth. 

High school is so much scarier when you’re completely and utterly by yourself.

Everything you do takes on new meaning. You’re scared that everyone is watching your every move. In reality, I think that everyone IS scared and the person they really watch is themselves. Teenagers are SO afraid of looking stupid. They may make fun of each other and bully each other, but deep down they’re all afraid. I know I was.

So there I was, all alone walking the halls of the high school.

I did have moments of stupidity, (I did have a way of tripping over my own feet) but through no fault of my own. (Sorta:p)

Sooner rather than later I found  solace in the fact that I was good at being  a “floater” of sorts, going from table to table but never really going  anywhere I felt that I really belonged, though the people I hung around at lunchtime were gracious enough.

Then Jennie moved in kiddy corner from my house.

 I saw this girl twirling a flag team flag on her front lawn. I thought “how odd”. But I was curious and went over to say hi and the rest is a blur.

She went to my high school and hung around one of the girls that I kind of thought was one of the rowdier girls, so I didn’t know what to make of her at first.

I had prayed for a good friend for years...and here’s this girl twirling a flag that’s just moved in kitty corner from my house. I felt a tiny seed of hope start growing where there was none before.

I can’t remember how we ended up at a school dance, but suddenly I found myself there, feeling decidedly out of place.

I just remember at first I was bored out of my skull till Jennie  did some kind of hypnotism/fall backward/truuuuuuuuuuuuuuust me kinda thing. There we were, Jenn and me and a guy I knew, the one who was mercilessly teased because they  thought he was gay. And though I lived in a school that was the most closed minded on the planet.  I didn’t care. I thought he was just fine the way he was.

Most everyone else was out on the floor, dancing around like they were attached at the hip. (Most of the adult chaperones would have had to use a cattle prod to get them apart, though a flashlight and a word or two would have to do)

Jennie was like a get out of jail free card. That’s what Jennie was. It’s like my whole life had been monopoly and Jennie was the jackpot where after landing on all the bad spots, I finally caught a break.

 I didn’t care that we weren’t dancing with the world’s snobbiest crowd. We were having a good time.

And that’s how it all started. In our little world, being different didn’t matter. Being yourself was just fine, despite that everything I saw going on around me said exactly the opposite.

It’s when you stop caring (Frankly my  school, I don’t give a damn;p) about what the world thinks and stop looking behind you and being terrified to see who’s watching that you really begin to live.

Being a round peg stuffed into a square hole just didn’t cut it anymore. (There’s no way I’m gonna call myself a square.:p)  I was going to be whoever I felt like being, and they couldn’t do a damned thing about it.

Ceramics Class, The Pervert And The Red Leather Pants

Any of you know God’s gift to women?

 I have known several.

 Every high school has at least one. Mine had PLENTY. One I remember was the student body president who would swagger down the halls waving hello to his loyal subjects, cheerleader on his arm.

The other was a jock.  A football player with flaming red hair.

When he walked down the hall EVERYONE cowered. (Ok, well maybe that was just me.)

The sad thing is, seemed he almost sensed it in people, at least that’s what it felt like.

But then again, I’ve never had much luck with football players. Thank God (really!:P)

Maybe it’s all the testosterone. HAHA.

When THIS guy would walk the halls it was like watching a tank. Muscles rippling, grunting  hello’s to his teammates by bashing them up against the wall, smacking people left and right with his gigantic claw of a hand. The man could have been wearing an animal skin and it would have fit. He looked and talked just like…a caveman.

But what did he wear?

Bright red leather pants.

Now on a rock star that might have been cool. You know the type.  Long lanky legs, Steven Tyler scream. (hence the pants:P)

The way the pants hung on THIS guy, it looked like stuffing a hamster, albeit a well-built hamster, into some serious leather. (Ok now the image in my head is making me laugh)

And still he was proud of his “package”.

I’ll tell you how I know…later.:P (Ok, Ok, I’ll tell you in a few paragraphs:P)

I never did understand this world of men where smacking someone meant hello and football players and baseball players alike swat each other’s butts to congratulate each other.

You ever see women do that?:P Me either.

 In the small little world that circled around my high school it was the cowboys and jocks that were out to prove that men are men and scrawny little freshman boys (Sometimes they weren’t freshmen :p) were to be shoved into lockers, after all…they HAD to show them their place. 

I was stuck with this red haired monstrosity of a guy in my ceramics class. The same class where Chuck gave me the firefighter with the um…ehem… “hose”. (In another blog)  He might have even given me that fireman on the day, not to be outdone by the jock.

I was completely naïve on the day that the pervert…hey wait…Chuck and C.J… C.J(That’s what I’ll call him)  were both perverts, so not only was I in class with 1 pervert, I was in class with 2.:P

But only one pervert wore red leather pants.

C.J came over when the teacher was gone, plopped his big bad self-down  on the chair  next to me, (I was surprised he didn’t rip his leather pants) and told me he was “hot”. I didn’t have a clue what was going on so I said. “So… Get a glass of water or something.” Then he told me to look at his pants.

By then all the guys in the class were laughing.

Since his first comment got the guys laughing, being such a stud, he thought he’d throw in another one. “Can’t you tell? My pants are bulging!”   Bulging what? I thought. All I knew was that the only way this guy must have gotten that abomination to the leather world on is (In my husband’s words) a trampoline and Vaseline…haha.(These days I would have thought he looked JUST like Johnny Bravo, (Cmon MAMA!!) with Red hair. :p look him up if you don’t know who he is. Isn’t the internet wonderful?:p)  All I saw was a guy in tacky red leather pants so I said “SO” again.

 I was completely clueless.:p

That’s what happens when you have 4 sisters, no brothers, a throw em to the wolves mom which leads to…I don’t know anything about men.:p

Well, mercifully the beast left because couldn’t get a reaction out of me. That or one of the girls in class told him to leave me alone. Yeah, he was talking to the most naïve person on the planet.  Me.

All I knew was as he left I heard roaring behind me. All the girls but 1 (The one who told him to stop) were slouching in their chairs and all the guys were laughing again.

And I was still trying to figure out what THAT was about.

Years later I actually confronted him in a store I worked at how much he had embarrassed me in class with his red leather pants.

He actually remembered and apologized saying “I’m not like that anymore” Yeah sure…(if any of you follow me on facebook, you would know that lately I’ve been posting about how  “Scientific studies actually show that the teenage brain isn’t developed yet” :P  Ok, heres proof:p lol...HA! )

Now after all that I don’t know if I made that big of an impression on C.J, but those pants sure did NOT!

This was also was also where Randy, a friend of the family taught me how to swear.

 It was just that kind of class.:P

Frakin laptop shootin dad

I am posting this all over  the place because I think the father went WAY over the top.(Link down below)

http://www.scoopsandiego.com/news/national/dad-shoots-laptop-to-teach-daughter-a-lesson/article_85ff5db0-540d-11e1-b1cb-0019bb30f31a.html
The video is of a red faced swearing dad reading what his daughter posted on facebook about him, and being the ultimate tough guy, he shoots her computer. Well YAY for HE MAN!

Yeah, the kids acting entitled...but where did she learn to swear? It’s pretty obvious. Like father like daughter...Does he really expect that if he swears like a sailor that she won’t? With everything that happened (That I know of)  if it were me I would take the laptop away and keep it for a while to use for my own as a reminder to her of what she lost till... she stopped acting childish.

I actually did something like that with my daughter (Who is 19 now and off at college) where I took her iPod away for something snotty she did and I used it for a while till she stopped the attitude. Think I had it for a few weeks to a month or more.  It worked a lot better than wasting my money because my pride had been injured...by shooting it, or something ridiculous like that.

 I keep seeing this video everywhere, I don't like it at ALL, he has a few good points but I n my mind he acted just as childish as she did. And if this dad is abusive, as I suspect he may be, this is DAMN scary.

If he points a gun at a computer, being the "tough guy" that he is, has he ever pointed it at something else, if you know what I mean?

I NEVER spanked my daughter, or hit her, it doesn't make them respect you, it makes them TERRIFIED of you. That is WRONG on ALL LEVELS. That's where the deception starts.

 MIGHT DOES NOT MAKE RIGHT!

I am SOOOOO fraking (Oh…my Battlestar Galactica roots are showing…lol…the dictionary is trying to correct me by changing fraking to franking…its making me giggle:p) sick of seeing this stupid video EVERYWHERE!

He is an immature parent and this this video was NOT funny, or cool. If he's doing what he did in public, what is he doing in private? I don't care if his daughter did, he is an ADULT and should act like one...Listen, my daughter did things JUST as bad as his daughter did, OVER and OVER again. It was incredibly frustrating and we had to think of different punishments. But he was just shooting himself in the foot in the long run.

 You HAVE to give yourself leeway with a teenager, and doing something childish like shooting a laptop that he bought is just plain immature. It takes the leeway away with the teenager. What's he going to do when she crashes the car? (Most teens crash at least once, it’s almost a rite of passage, sadly:p) Shoot it too?

Her phone? Bang it up while he's at it is when she acts up? (Yeah, I saw the post later where she suggests it...if you ask me, now she’s just pandering...there will be even more things now where she tries to be sneaky, mark my words.)What he did was a childish act, and on top of it, he’s talking about all the money he wasted? Well, HE'S the one who shot up the laptop, and if it were me, c’mon!  I'm not going to waste money and do that. I would just use the laptop for a while and she’ll be sorry sooner she did what she did EVERY time she sees me use it. I am the parent, and not a child, I just took the different things away over and over. It worked EVERY time, even though my daughter was VERY mouthy, she came around. They can't come around if they have nothing to come back to.

I can spot an abusive parent a mile away, (I almost DIED in the house I grew up in) and guaranteed, if this guy does things like this on video, on a public forum, he does more than that off. If he points a gun at a computer, who's to say he doesn’t point a gun on HER? If Health and Welfare saw that video, they would be at his door.

As an afterthought…I just realized why in the aftermath of this why I've been so bothered. After this whole thing came out and the girl was joking about the whole thing, it hit me as off (again, I could be wrong.) It hit me right now why.

On the day that I almost died, (that’s in another blog and I will elaborate later) when the neighbors called the cops on my dad and I went to the police station for them to file a report on abuse, I made a BIG joke out of it. I was TERRIFIED of the unknown.

What would happen to me? Would I end up in foster care? Would I go from one abusive home, to another?

Another thought...When that whole situation happened, I found out from my sister MANY years later that after my dad had beaten me, he would lay out on the floor after beating me and act like I had been the one WHALING ON HIM, like I was the problem, when in reality, it was completely the opposite.

When... the cops came, he did the same thing, making it look like I was the problem, not him.

Years later I saw the police report on that day I almost died. The report actually said that I had the same temperament as my father!! I couldn't believe it! My parents were the ultimate deceptive parents to the entire town. They would make light of what actually happened, make my begging for help look like a lie when the reality was, THEY would outright lie about it. And the police BELIEVED them. Maybe the cops just didn't want to deal with it.

When talking about this video someone posted on a forum and said “Sounds like the daughter is of the same temperament as the dad and is a spoiled brat.”

I can't help but see a parallel with this kid.

Again, I could be wrong but something just doesn't seem right.

On top of this HE is speaking FOR her. My parents did that all the time. So WHERE is she?