Sebastion: The Last Day

The Last Day

One Sunday we went  to church as usual and  came home.  When we came home Bastion was sitting there at the bottom of the stairs staring up at us like usual. I was used to seeing  him, either lying in his bed looking up the stairs at us, or he and Jez snuggled up together in the big bed. Or he’d be sitting at the gate wagging his tail, making these little motions with his head trying to get me to come downstairs to say hi to him, which I usually did. They say poms are little conversationalists, buggy was no different. If I forgot to give him his food right at noon he would let me know. I’d hear that little bark. It was like having a little alarm clock.

 We would always make pancakes after church so we did, and then went to feed Buggy. He was sitting there at the bottom of the stairs excited to be fed, running in circles as usual. So Joe went down to see him and gave him what he wanted. Many times Joe would sit down by Buggy and I would see the two of them together . The little pom and my big tall husband (Who is 6’3) The lil  pom  with his muzzle in Joe,s palm. 

When Joe started to work from home it was cute to see how excited Bastion would be having Joe down there all the time (That room ended up being  Joes office) The two boys in their man cave.:P

This time when Joe had been feeding him hehad a premonition. Something said “What if Sebastion died”? The thought scared him but he just shrugged it off.  

 Joe stayed down there a little while at his chair when he started to hear Sebastion cough. He sometimes had coughing fits, but they would end. It started a few years back. He would start coughing but it would clear up and go away in a minute or 2. The vet said there was nothing much he could do for it, though we gave him medicine every day for it. Poms have a tendency towards collapsed tracheas and many poms die from it. My next door neighbor had a pom and their pom died not long ago from it. When you hear your pom has it, it scares you because there is nothing that can be done, just trying to keep them from getting excited is part of what little can be done, along with medicine.

Well this time after we fed him it wouldn’t stop. He would cough, try to clear his lungs, and not quite be able to do it. Joe had been sitting  in his computer chair and Bastion kept going over and nuzzling his hand, looking up at him, confused at  what was happening to him.

 Joe kept thinking how scared he looked, there was so much fear in his eyes, like he was asking “What’s WRONG with me”?

He would go outside, go inside, get on his pet bed, have a coughing fit and go outside again. Not much longer after that it got worse. His breathing suddenly got jagged and fast. He was going out and sitting outside a lot.

 It was a beautiful warm day, with big puffy clouds and a blue sky. I went outside to where Buggy was sitting. He looked exhausted. I got this feeling that this might be the last time I would see him outside like this. I just stood there with him, petting him and trying not to cry because I could see he was having a horrific time breathing. He kept looking up at me like “HELP” and I couldn’t do ANYTHING. It was breaking my heart.

 This whole time I had been what my husband calls his“Captain” of sorts. Helping him through everything, Giving him a bath every week (Ug) training him, helping him when he had problems, but this time, I couldn’t do ANYTHING. I couldn’t help him through this. It was tearing me apart. My heart was breaking.

I went inside and said “I don’t know that Buggy is going to be ok”. I kept praying about it, but I kept getting the same feeling.

Later that night we watched a movie( “City Of Joy”, a favorite of mine ) as we had put Bug to bed and he was sleeping. We didn’t want to excite him in any way if possible.

Around 10 pm Joe went down to say goodnight and stayed by him a while praying over him asking that if he was going to go, please take him quick, but if not to help him get better.

I went down to go to say goodnight to him, and then went back upstairs to go to sleep.

Around 3 am I heard this awful  sound.

It sounded like the kind bark that Sebastion had been doing when he had those seizures. I RAN downstairs to see him  and what I saw just ripped me apart. 

He was still having trouble breathing, but now it was low, shallow breathing. All I could do was sit there and pray. I kept begging, Please GOD! My little friend is suffering.Please ,take him quickly if you take him. I don’t want him to be in pain anymore. He seemed to breathe a little easier, so I went upstairs, feeling exhausted. Joe was asleep, but I was just gut wrenchingly sad so I got on facebook and posted “Please God, ease my little friends pain. I don’t want him to suffer anymore”. Then I went down to check on him again.

I looked over our stairs to his room, and I saw he’d been looking up the stairs the whole time, waiting for me to come back.

I went back down to be with him. I had a feeling I didn’t have much longer to be with him.

As soon as I got there, he turned him head and went back to looking straight ahead. I kept petting him. I knew he had been waiting for me to come back. I wasn’t’ going anywhere. Even though I couldn’t do anything, I wanted him to know that he was loved and that I was THERE.

His breathing got worse and more erratic and I was terrified for him…how much pain he was in, I didn’t know. But I hoped it would be over soon.

All of a sudden he opened his mouth, like he was yelping but nothing came out. I knew even though Joe was asleep, I had to wake him up, NOW. I went running up the steps SCREAMING and crying… “Joe! I think Buggys dying”!!! Joe and I ran downstairs and I saw that he was sprawled out.;His chest barely rising and falling. We both fell on our knees and were petting him just telling him we loved him, and then Joe said “Its ok, you can go”

It was like that was all our little guy needed to hear. His front little legs suddenly went back, like he was trying to touch his tail, one last breath, and he was GONE.

He died about a  half hour after I posted  on Facebook. Thank you God.

 I could hear myself say…Ohhhh Buggy” and I just kept sobbing. Joe and I just sat on the couch sobbing. It was SO hard to believe such a lively little spirit was GONE.

The little guy who had always been there, that little bark that I had heard…What I called his “Smokers bark” that raspy bark all poms have was something I would never hear again…the cute little monkey face that was eagerly waiting at the end of the stairs whenever we got home would never be again. And I was devastated.

A week later I was sitting in that café when I looked up and saw “Love Bug” in those big letters on that blackboard above the table in the bar. In the end, I think that message “Love Bug” was for me.  Sitting there at the table, it felt like a goodbye.

Goodbye Buggy…LOVE, Bug. Yeah, I love ya too.